Page 184 of A Curse On Black Lake
Wetakeoffona gallop to the herd we’re rotating to another pasture. My heart feels heavy, but I’m happy. The chaos of love and grief are both debilitating, yet exhilarating. She shows me through her actions how she loves me, though she hasn’t said the words. Part of me wonders if I haven’t done enough to make sure she knows that she can trust me, and let me love her. Maybe the grief has broken me down so much, she doesn’t want to get cut.
But then again, it’s difficult for me to believe she would ignore everything between us, on top of the Spirits and her Grams encouraging us together.
We are more than inevitable.
We are inescapable.
She has infused herself into my blood and bones. I don’t know where I start anymore because all I see is her.
I’ve been convincing myself that it’s all because her Grams passed only a few months ago. I’ve had a year to mourn my father. Granted, it hasn’t been healthy mourning, but it’s different for everyone. I’m trying not to be angry about it, but this morning it was hard not to be.
We woke up, and the first words out of my mouth were — I love you. She just smiled and kissed me, as if she’s trying to avoid the topic altogether. But I decided it doesn’t matter. If it means dying before I hear it. I’ll wait an eternity for her love.
Eliana stops at the gate and unlatches it. I motion for her to go ahead with the dogs and close it behind me.
She takes off for the other gate we’re going to push the cattle through, and I whistle for the dogs to start helping me round them up from behind.
It takes us longer than usual because a few of my girls have an attitude.
When she finally runs the rest through, Eliana pushes the gate closed.
I wipe the sweat off my forehead and study Eliana.
“Good?” I ask her.
She gives me a brilliant smile and inches Winnie closer to me. “I know we have things to do, but I have an idea.”
She grins widely, and my heart trips over itself.
“Oh yeah? What’s that?” I ask her, still captivated by her smile. I love being the reason for it.
“Follow me,” she says and turns Winnie around, headed for the lake.
“You better not dive in without looking again!” I holler.
She peeks at me over her shoulder with a playful look.
That’s exactly what she’s going to do.
Only last time I couldn’t touch her like I wanted to. This time, all bets are off.
When we come up on the black water, I scan it, looking for anything moving or bubbling because it dipped its head under water.
I toss a thick branch into the water, disturbing it more than its gentle current, and don’t see anything.
“You worry too much,” she says over her naked shoulder as she walks into the water.
“Well, someone has to look out for you,” I tell her, staring at her freckled, tan skin.
“My idea was for you tojoinme,” she says and dips her head under the black water.
She pops back up, slicking her white hair back.
“You’re lucky I can’t tell you no,” I say and pull off my boots.
Eliana giggles as she watches me undress and walk into the lake. She meets me halfway, and I smile, picking her up and walking us deeper into the cool water.
“I have to admit this feels good,” I tell her, leaning forward to press a kiss on her giant heart that she’s kept hidden for so long.
