Page 157 of A Curse On Black Lake
His brows furrow, and he searches my eyes. “You … saw that? Like a vision?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I tell him, hoping he’ll leave it, but if I know Killian, he won’t.
“Have you ever had a vision before?”
“A few, but nothing of this nature. It was powerful. I’ve never been locked away like that.”
“But how will we know when the time is right?” he asks.
I smile and lift my hand to his cheek. “Trust me.”
He nods and leans his forehead on mine. “It terrified me. I didn’t know what to do. I kept calling for you, but you didn’t respond to anything. I thought…” he trails off, and takes a long deep breath. “I thought I lost you,” he says, his voice breaking.
“I’m right here.”
“I don’t know what I’d do with myself, I don’t know what I’d do without you. Not anymore.”
His eyes search mine while his top teeth nibble his bottom lip, like he’s trying to decide if he should tell me something.
My stomach tenses, and the air in my lungs trips on its way out. I can’t hear him say the words. He can’t say it. Not when I have to do the worst thing I could imagine, which will change his lifeagain.The irony is not lost on me that his ancestor’s intention was to punish those who stood by and watched her tragedy, and did very little, if anything, to stop it. She was seeking vengeance, and it backfired because when I sacrifice myself for the man I love, it will only hurt him more.
“Eliana, I—”
I don’t give him the chance to speak the words I’m afraid to give him, and slam my mouth onto his. He straightens, pulling me onto his lap, tightening his arms around me. I forgetabout what I saw and focus on his touch, letting it ground me. Grabbing his face with both hands, I lean into the kiss, rubbing my thumbs over his beard then slipping my hands to the back of his neck. He groans into my mouth as I lightly drag my nails across his neck, and he deepens our kiss. I sit up, forcing him to lean back.He groans, nipping my bottom lip and then soothing the sting. It’s chaotic, and critical, and heartbreaking all at the same time.
Undone, I press myself into his chest, and his hands drop to my hips, squeezing the muscle. Everything we do together is as if it was always meant to be. Like our story was written long before we were born — now I know it was.
Killian pulls back, holding my face in his hands, keeping me from kissing him again. His expression twists in confusion, and I want to wipe it off his face. Lunging for him again, he pulls back.
“Eliana—”
“Please don’t,” I whisper.
He blinks. “Don’t what?”
“Nothing,” I whisper.
“I don’t know what to do,” he says.
Physically, I’m perfectly fine. But mentally? Emotionally? I am crumbling like a centuries-old house. I am parchment exposed to the sun for so long. One touch and I’ll disintegrate.
All I do know is I want him. I love him, but I can’t tell him.
Killian puffs out a harsh groan and squeezes my thighs, looking away from me. His jaw ticks.
Then his gaze grabs my own. “What do I need to do, Eliana? What do I need to do to make you understand that I’m not going anywhere? Look at where you are right now,” he says, gesturing to his lap.
I start to climb off of him, put distance between us because I feel like I can’t breathe, but his grip won’t let me move. It’s not painful, yet it’s punishing, determined.
I relax, and the tight pull of his mouth betrays his desperation to make me understand. Little does he know I’m beyond my desperation for him.
“I cut this conversation short the other day. But because of what happened last night, we need to have it now.”
I swallow thickly, waiting for the hammer to drop.
“Why do you keep doing this? I told you how I feel. I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it. But you’ve barely said a word. Eliana, I don’t do things for you and expect something in return. That’s not the kind of man I am. Your body is telling me one thing, and your words say another. Is this all in my head? Are you just biding time with me?” he asks, with eyes that are full of painful vulnerability, and I immediately want to quash it.
He’s right. He’s done everything he said. I told him I was ready, but I can’t hear him say the words. If he says it, I’m afraid I’ll give in, and it will only hurt him more.
