Page 97 of A Curse On Black Lake
Very few people know that surrendering isn’t giving up. It’sletting go.
But when I let go, and surrender to the tide, I’m still pulled in too many directions. To the point, surrender feels nearly impossible. Surrender becomes chains, and I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to be. Surrender is supposed to free.
“You didn’t have to do any of this to get me naked, little witch,” Killian says.
He wraps his thick arm around my ribs and lifts me from the water, forcing my legs around his waist.
Killian is making it very difficult for me to think of life without him. He’s yet another part of my reality I’m scared to surrender to. I know that I should. I can feel it. But I don’t want to. It will add another link to my chain.
“I’m overwhelmed,” I whisper.
The Spirits have gone to a low drone, but it still feels like my ears are ringing.
“Is it the Spirits?” he asks.
“Yes, and it’s… our connection.”
He jerks back a little. “Did I do something to offend you? If I did, I’m—”
“No, no. You said it yourself, there’s a connection between us and it’s intense. Too intense, on top of all this other stuff.”
“What can I do to make it better?” he asks, holding me still.
I push his hair back and drag my fingers through is wet beard. “Let me swim,” I whisper.
His jaw tightens, and he lets me go.
I float back and swim around; the pressure eases. The thrumming turns to a tolerable buzz. Sometimes the only way to stop is to put yourself in nature, so deep you can’t see anything else. So, I coat myself in it. I stay in the water while Killian dries out on shore, keeping watch for gators and snakes.
I swim until my fingers prune and my stomach growls.
Feeling more balanced, I get out of the water, and the way Killian looks at me makes me want to finish undressing and run the other way at the same time. I’ve never been with a man before. I’ve never had the opportunity. Not that I was looking either. The only male who ever paid attention to me was Eddy, and we were teens.
Killian’s attention makes me wonder what it would be like to succumb to the tension that has only grown between us. I know what he wants. He can sense what I want, but I’m scared of everything, and I hate myself for it. For all the things I’ve faced in life, I should be braver, stronger. But I’m not.
He stands wordlessly and pulls his shirt on, then hands me my clothes. I button my jeans and slide my shirt over my head before getting my boots on.
He lifts himself onto Daisy, and I get on Winnie.
Killian whistles, and the dogs come running from somewhere.
We head to the pasture the cattle are in and work on getting them moved. The dogs work the cattle barking and nipping enough to get them going. It takes us a few hours, but we get one group of cattle moved over, and then head back to the barns.
He unsaddles Daisy and walks past me. “Thank you,” I tell him.
Killian stops in his tracks and sets the saddle down. I stare at him, confused. Then he pulls me into his arms, and I breakagain.
Wrapping my arms around his waist, his body trembles against me. I lean back and silent tears stream down his face. I haven’t seen this man cry, let alone tear up.
He misses his father, like I miss Grams. Grief comes in waves, and today it has drowned me, and it yanked him under the current.
It’s the little things that set you off. You never see it coming.
Killian holds me until he stops shaking, and my tears have stopped.
“Sorry,” he rasps, holding his fingers over his closed eyes.
I shake my head. “You never have to apologize to me,” I tell him.
