Page 102 of Dirty Roulette
He grasps my wrist. “No!” I twist and bend my arms, slapping and shoving him in all directions as he walks me backward, and I’m greeted with a cold wall to my back. He tangles his hands into my hair. “I love you! For fuck's sake, I love you!”
I hitch a sob at his words. “You’re drunk!” My body is unable to carry my weight as I feel myself crumbling, but he’s the one holding me together in his arms. “All you do is drink! You don’t love me, you love that bottle!” I shove my weight into him, but his lips tasting of salt and bitterness mesh into mine. His face is soaking wet as I grab his cheeks, and I fall into him, my lips molding into his, our tongues tangled together. My chest aches. This isn’t him, this isn’t Ryder. It’s the bottle talking, it’s the bottle kissing me. Not Ryder. Hennessy does nothing but lie to him when he thinks it will make him feel better.
I pull away. “Please, I can’t do this with you.”
His head drops to the floor, his body shaking all over the place. He bangs a fisted hand into the wall, over and over again as he softly cries.
“I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry.” He wipes his nose and, just like he stormed in, he rushes out the door, with it slamming behind him.
Chapter thirty-eight
Ryder
Istand under the sizzling hot shower for an hour. When the water finally runs cold, I turn the dial and get out. A biohazard team was needed when it came to my teeth. I still can’t wash off the taste of being in a cell, or the taste of being greeted this evening with regurgitating Hennessy. The toothpaste spat in the sink was crimson. I scraped my gums and tongue until everything was raw and throbbing. I even threw out the toothbrush and grabbed a new one from under the cupboard.
Sitting on the edge of my bed in nothing but my boxers, I scroll through the dozens of messages I sent to Charlie. Not a single response. Her online profiles say the last time she was active was the night of the concert. Now it’s been almost a week.
I dial up Mom, and the phone rings for several long moments, but eventually I hear the shuffle and the sleepy groan on the other end.
“Hey baby,” Mom says and clears her throat.
I firm my grip on the phone, as my palms turn clammy. “Sorry, were you sleeping?” I check the time on my phone and realize it’s past ten in the evening. I didn’t even think to check how late it was.
Mom yawns as she says, “Yeah, it’s okay though.”
“How are you feeling?” I ask, my mouth watering as I inch myself closer to asking her about Charlie. But it’s wishful thinking that she’s at home with Mom.
“I’m doing better, the church is offering me a free retreat. It’s for women like me. I think it will help... and umm...” She pauses for a moment and I hear the shudder in her voice. “They are going to pay off the bills for the next three months. We’ve donated so much money to them, they are going to help us out.”
I run a hand over my face, and say, “That sounds great.” I pause, my lungs constricting as I stare at the headlights of cars passing through the blinds illuminating the walls with streaks of light. “Have you heard from Charlie?” My gaze goes to my feet, and the dirty laundry littering my floor.
“No, why? I haven’t even heard from you the past three days either. Everything okay?” she asks. I’m not sure how to break the news to her that I was released from a jail cell, my knuckles are bruised and swollen, or that I don’t have a clue as to where my sister is.
“I haven’t heard from her. I thought maybe she came home.”
“Did you check the dorm? She’s not even a mile away from you.” Mom asks.
“No, I kinda got into a fight with her last week.”
“About what?”
“I was dating Payton...” I say.
“I could see that coming ages ago, she’s a sweetheart. I always liked having her around even though Charlie would fight with her like they were siblings. It was always over something stupid like stolen makeup.Payton’s been a part of the family for years. She’s a lot better than that other girl you always brought over.”
Mom approves of Payton. It makes me sick to my stomach to destroy the hype of Payton ever coming around again after what happened. “We kept it from Charlie, and when she found out she didn’t take it very well. I haven’t heard from her.” I swallow hard, my heart collapsing to my stomach.
“Is everything alright? You sound different.”
“Mom...” I shudder in a deep breath as I fight the words on my tongue. “Something happened, and I need your help.”
“Something happened? What do you mean?”
“I think she’s missing... and... I need your help, please.”
“Okay... okay,” I hear the shuffles on the other end and the sound of the screen door shutting behind her. The crunch of the gravel below her feet. “I’m grabbing my keys baby, I’ll be over there.”
I sat there in my bed staring at the walls as car lights passed by. Mom came, grabbed me, and now I stare at the map of the city with hands in my pockets as Mom talks with the police officer. It’s silent in the waiting area with rows of empty blue plastic chairs. The flag hanging off the wall flutters from the vent above it, and all the cubicles are empty as the officer writes down on a clipboard all the information about Charlie.
