Page 112 of Dirty Roulette
A pothole I hit sloshes me around like a defrosted slushy. By the time I step out of the Jeep, Ryder’s house stares at my face.
I storm up the steps, whipping open the screen, and bang on the door until the deadbolt clicks. It’s Scottie P with his fat puckered lips and the annoyed look on his face.
“Girl, can’t you let a damn man sleep in at least once.”
“Let me in...”
“If you piss him off, I’m gonna throw you outside myself.” He lets me weasel in. When I reach Ryder’s bedroom, I crash in like a raging, angry girlfriend about to blow her top to set the man straight. The door hits the twangy doorstop.
The bang doesn’t disturb him – he doesn’t budge. He’s dead asleep, lying flat on the bed in his briefs. I smack the plastic bag and the box of condoms on his back.
Groggy eyes open, and he groans. “Fuck...” He grumbles, turning over in the bed, and covering his eyes with his forearm.
“No, we aren’t going back to sleep!” I smack him again with the bag.
“Quit it!” He swats a hand at the plastic bag, attempting to grab it.
“No, get up!” I hit him again. He manages to snatch and rip the bag in half. The box of condoms acts like a slinky and tumbles down his chest to the mattress.
He curses under his breath and uses an elbow to sit up. Running two fingers across his eye sockets, he grumbles, “What is this?” The box finds its way into his hands. “Ultra ribbed?” He groans, glaring at the golden box. “I have condoms...”
“We should make a tape... get Brody’s trust again.”
The curl of his nose and annoyed huff rips my heart out. “Payton... no. We don’t have to...” He places the box on his nightstand. “You’re a virgin. I can’t do this to you. It’s not right...”
“Did you mean it?” I swallow the lump in my throat.
“Mean what?” He ruffles a hand through his disheveled hair, then searches his floor littered with dirty clothes for a water bottle. The top twists off and he chugs, the plastic crinkling until nothing is left.
“When you said you loved me?” I ask.
“Drunk thoughts are always the truth. I’ve loved you for the longest time, but I’ve never seen you so upset before, always crying, and about me, and how you feel about me. I’ll love you forever, but I can’t be with you if I’m making you cry all the time.”
“But I love you too...”
“I know you do. I see it in your eyes all the time, but I also see you hating me too.”
“I don’t think I could ever hate you. I felt like I was competing with Brittni, and the only reason why any of this happened was because you came into that room at the right time. I look at it now and I felt like I was being used, and just some girl everyone wanted to sleep with... it was allyouwanted.”
“You have no competition with me. I’m yours. That’s why I tried to let you make the choice...”
I think I might bubble up into tears again, and finally not the bad kind.
“I get that you’re wrapped up in Charlie missing, but I don’t want to be strangers anymore. I want to be by your side through it, so no matter what the outcome is, we have each other. I love you, and you said I wouldn’t lose you unless I chose it. I don’t want to lose you.”
“Trouvez-moi,” I say. Ryder dips his head to the side.
“Will you let me find you again? Because if you really want me I will always find you. You’re not going to lose me, but going forward you are one-hundred percent honest and transparent with me. Can you do that for me?”
“Yes. I won’t keep any more secrets.” I paw out the flash drive from my jeans pockets and hold it between two fingers. “And I talked with Mr. Clorox last night and I have everything I need to destroy Brody Thomas, the worst quarterback this generation has ever seen. I want to deflate his balls.”
Chapter forty-three
Ryder
Payton and I spent the afternoon walking alongside the gift shops lining the ocean side. She carried the flyers with Charlie’s face as I stapled them to a palm trunk littered with other posters. We’ve chatted to shop owners, taping flyers to their windows, and leaving a handful at their counters.
As we stroll out of a surfboard shop, a gust of wind tears through the air, catching the flyers’ edges in Payton’s hands and snatching them up. “You gotta be kidding me!” Payton chases after the flyers as they scatter and are strewn across the street. “Oh, my god!” She bends down to pick up a flyer, and more papers flutter out of her hands. “Are you serious!”
