Page 114 of Dirty Roulette
“Do you think our band can play at the football game? We aren’t really mainstream music.” Noah pushes a strand of hair behind an ear as he scrolls through his phone.
“They support local bands all the time. There is still an opening to play. It’s a twenty-minute slot.”
“All I do is fill out this form, and that’s it?” He points at his screen.
“Yeah.” Payton leans in, looking over his phone. Of-fucking-course, she’s not wearing a bra either. A bucket of sweat runs down my face. “There are gonna be people who’ll like your music there.” Payton dances on her toes.
“And while we play, that’s when you plan on hacking those screens?”
Payton does her cute head shake with a shrug. “I just have to get Mr. Clorox into the control room... and you gotta play some good screaming revenge shit.”
Noah runs a hand over his chin and turns to me with a hard look. “I’ll do it.” Then he looks Payton dead in the eyes. “I’ll do it for you, and Charlie,” he says. The way he says it sends a shock wave up my spinal cord to my chest. It aches.
We spent another ten minutes in the garage. Payton helps him fill out the request form, but won’t stop chatting up a storm with him. The only thing that came out of my mouth was a subtle hello. She finally notices I’ve been non-stop checking the time on my phone and gets the hint. I swallow the lump in my throat when Noah hugs her.I bite my tongue with how her arms wrap around his neck, and I’m about to bloody his nose.
We are quiet on the drive back to the house. No words. Just merely existing in the same space. My arm tingles and goes numb, and I guess it’s from me leaning into my hand. I’m tired, and I have to work tonight too. When I glance at Payton scrolling through her phone, she’s looking at photos of Noah and his band, and my mouth goes dry.
“Do you like him?” Shit. There it is. The question stuck in my throat comes up like I drank ipecac.
Payton scratches the edge of her scalp with a finger, with her eyes darting at me. “Do I like him? Yeah... as a friend, he’s in love with Charlie.” Payton’s eyebrows knit together.
“Sorry, I might be overthinking things...”
Her face crumbles. “Oh...” She turns her head outside to the city, passing by us on the highway. Through the reflection of the window, the pain I saw in her eyes when Charlie walked in molds all over her features again.
“Sorry, I honestly didn’t think you would ever talk to me again. I’m happy you're next to me, and your music is playing, and I can smell that vanilla perfume you always wear.” I swallow, and glance back at the highway, the white lines blurring as I drive. I’m so tired, and there is no way I can call out tonight. Not with my bank account running on fumes. “Payt...”
“Yeah?” She asks.
“I get you want to expose Brody, but I don’t give a shit about Roulette. I’m done playing. I want to help you, but I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“I’m not doing this to play Roulette,” she argues.
“But you are still playing, Payt! Youareplaying Roulette!” I slap the palm of my hand against the steering wheel.
“And I’ll be the one that finishes Roulettefor good!” She snaps.
“Why?”
“Because... I’m the reason you are in this mess!”
“I chose to be in the mess with you. Nothing would have stopped me from choosing otherwise. I thought about you all the time since I left for college. Even before you landed on me, I always wondered how you were doing, and if you’d be at the house when I came to visit. I always look forward to seeing you. God, you were gorgeous at prom. You don’t even know. My heart was pounding the entire time.”
“Sebastian...”
“Don’t you dare use my first name.” My grip on the wheel tightens.
“I don’t want Noah. I want you. And if we are sharing feelings then you have to know that after you started dating Brittni, I pretty much gave up on myself. I didn’t try anymore, I didn’t want to wear makeup or comb my hair. Charlie forced me to.”
“Me dating her really fuck you up that bad?”
“I thought you would kiss me at prom or something. Like really kiss me, and it didn’t happen. I watched you leave for college and you ended up bringing her home. I wanted to be with you so bad that it hurt. I was so scared of Charlie finally seeing how badly I had it for you.”
“I’m not jealous of that guy personally, you two just seem to get along alot better than we do.”
“Because we have always been an old couple bickering. There is nothing wrong with that.” she says with a smile.
“Well, I have to work tonight, and after my shift I’ll go talk to Brody. But I don’t think I’ll like what I hear, and I don’t think you’ll like it either.”
