Page 13 of Dirty Roulette
“Please...” she begs.
“Yeah, sure...” I sigh.
“Come on, let’s go grab a drink.”
“Okay.” I dip a hand into my pockets and walk alongside her down the stairs. She grabs me a beer, then takes my index finger to drag me outside to the corner of the house. It’s darker over here, yet the thick trees still create shadows. The moonlight peers through the mixture of rolling clouds and I lean against the wall. Brittni doesn’t hesitate to wedge herself between my legs and play with the seam of my jersey.
“So, what do you wanna talk about?” I ask, battling against the voice in my head that urges me to grab her hips and pull her in closer.
“I never got the chance to talk about that day.”
“You fucking Brody and me walking in? Yeah, maybe I don’t want to. And for good reasons.”
“Okay, but I can’t help but think you have a thing for your little sister’s friend.”
“Are we seriously having this conversation...again?”
“Every time you go home, she’s always there. You wouldn’t shut up about her transferring.”
“She’s my sister’s best friend. Are you out of your mind? You and your little friends gang up on her because you’re insecure. It’s obnoxious. Do us all a favor and leave her alone.”
I sigh and look down at my feet before she gets closer. “Sebastian.” She dips her head to the side, and her plump lips shine with gloss.
“You know I hate that name.”
“Oh stop, you liked it when I would say it when we... well...” She bites her bottomlip.
“It’s been over two months.” I shrug. “Why are we having this conversation?”
“I’ve seen the way you look at her, and all your Instagram posts with her in it.”
“What are you getting at?” I ask.
“You cheated first...”
“I cheated?” I laugh. Is she for real? Either I’ve gone insane or she just attempted to gaslight me. “You had my whole damn heart and gave it all away the moment you hooked up with Brody. What do you want me to say? For better or for worse? You just got done letting someone else finish in you when you had me first. I’m not doing this Payton crap with you anymore.”
“If she wasn’t in the picture, we would still be together. I walked in and she was sleeping in your bed, laying on top of you and... ugh, you never listen!”
“We were watching a movie... and Charlie was there. Nothing happened.” I shrug, not sure what to tell her because no matter what comes out of my mouth, she’s going to set me up as the villain, twist and flip it into whatever story she wants to believe.
“Look, I got really drunk. I don’t even remember anything that happened with Brody. I just want everything to go back to the way it was with you. We always work things out. I just want you back. Please, forgive me, give us another chance.”
The thought of it has slipped into my mind occasionally. It tugs at my heartstrings. I’ve come to miss the late nights at a gas station grabbing Snickers ice cream bars with her and then making the windows fog up when we were in the back seat. On the other hand, I can’t erase the nights I spent counting sheep because she was out drinking while I focused on upcoming exams.
The wordmistakewasn’t written on her moans, begging Brody for more when I walked in. She wanted it as much as he did, and they didn’t stop. I can’t erase the fucker’s tighty-whities on the floor, or the pink bra she swore that she bought at Victoria’s Secret for only me to see, laying at the edge of his bed.
My true feelings spill from my tongue and I say, “You’re drunk and desperate.”
“Oh, come on, I’m not that bad.”
“So, you’re sober right now?” I ask, remembering why my heart is boarded up.
“Oh, and somehow you are?”
I laugh under my breath. She’s right. I’m not sober, I’m numb to the fact I fell for the girl I lost Dirty Roulette to when I should have known better. She’s messy. We were always fighting. There would be nights she’d break up with me over some story her brain concocted, and she always accused me of flirting with other girls. Accusing me of cheating on her with Payton was my last straw, and she keeps using it to justify her actions of cheating on me.
“I dunno if I can trust you again,” I say.
