Page 64 of Dirty Roulette
I say nothing, but I swallow the acid skidding up my throat. She has me basking in regret of ever dating her. It’s like she gets off reminding me of her existence and I wish we never met.
Pissing Payton off seems to be on her bucket list, too.
“Oh, my god! You whore! Did you really grab his dick?” Autumn asks. She’s louder than the engines. “Girl, you gave him a boner!”
“Because he can’t get over me. Duh...”
My dick is limper than a soggy biscuit. Naomi cocks her head like a confused pigeon and eyeballs my crotch.
Pain lodges on Payton’s face as she leaps on her toes to push her bag into the overhead bins. Pretty light eyes roll at me, and she scoots to the window seat next to Nick. Yep, she heard them. I wanna get up and tell her they’re playing a twisted little game.
“Psst! Nick.” I motion him with a hand.
He lifts his chin over the rows of seats. “Switch me, dude,” I say.
Nick stands, peeking at who sits beside me, and he licks his lips, rubbing his hands together. “You next to my baby white chocolate? Hell yeah, switch me, brother.”
I snatch my bag, and we trade places.
When I sit next to Payton, the weight in my chest releases with one breath. I check the aisle again and spot the top of Charlie’s head. She can’t see us. Perfect.
Payton rolls up the window cover, glancing out. It’s still dark, and it’s obvious she’s pissed at me for something I can’t control. “Hey...” I remove the armrest, lean into her shoulder blade, and kiss the crease of her neck. A sad smile molds on her face. “Don’t look at me like that.” I nuzzle my nose against hers and run a hand along her velvet cheeks. “Are we good?” I ask, with my forehead pinned against hers.
“I wish you would tell her to stop. It’s like you’re okay with her doing that.”
“I’m not okay with it... but I don’t want to make a scene in front of people on an airplane. I don’t want her.” I whisper. She pushes me away and does it in such a way it’s like my brain splatters all over the seat. “I can’t control what she decides to do... I’m sorry.”
“You don’t get it.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you were sorry, you’d get her to stop. It’s like the conversation the other night didn’t happen.” She combs a hand through her hair, shaking her head as she stares at the ceiling. “I wish you were over her. It’s all over your face how much pain she put you through.” Her eyes are distant and fall outside to the blinking red lights in the distance.
“Where is this all coming from?” I ask, watching her bite her bottom lip, shaking her head. “I tried talking to you about this. I can’t just say I’m fine with what happened between me and her, but I know I don’t want her. I want you, but...” I swallow the emotion down my throat, and it buries its sharp teeth into my lungs. She’s decoding the combination of a million locks I’m barricaded in.
“But what?” She asks.
“When you and Charlie argued about the hickey it really bothered me. I can’t deal with the drama. You gotta tell her.”
She scrunches up her nose. Reaching a hand up, she twists the nozzle for cool air. It hisses as she adjusts it. “I can’t.”
“What do you want, then? You wanna just hook up and end it? Do you wanna date me, be my girlfriend? What do you want?”
“I dunno...” She gnashes her teeth.
“If you don’t know, then why are you upset about what Brittni does?” I ask but she shrugs. “Talk to me.” I’m begging at this point. It’s in my chest and her pushing away hurts worse than Brittni, flaunting what I’ve lost. Now Payton is slipping from my grip and it fills my heart with thorns.
“I don’t want to lose you or Charlie, but no matter what, I’m going to lose both of you.” She admits.
“Who says you’re going to lose me?”
She shrugs with the biggest pout. “The universe, I dunno.”
“I told you, before. Be with me.”
“Stop.” She bites her bottom lip.
I push a strand of her soft black hair over her ear and say, “No. Because I don’t want to lose you either.”
