Page 95 of Dirty Roulette
Chapter thirty-four
Ryder
Payton tightens her grip on the front door before glancing back at me. The feral hunger to light another joint crawls its way into my head. I don’t know how Payton is standing. I’m so heavy I could fall through the Earth. I’d do anything to numb everything racing inside me.
I wait because at any second she’ll tell me this is wrong and we should try to make things work, but I know this isn’t healthy either. We can’t pull each other’s heartstrings while also nailing each other’s hearts to the floor. Her bloodshot eyes burn a hole into mine, her lips tremble like she has something to say. I’m choked up – actual tears pooling down my face, and I haven’t cried since I was a kid. Something behind her watering eyes tells me she feels it too. The regret pouring over us. Payton bites down on her lip, and the glimmer of uncertainty in her eyes hardens into something else.
“If that’s what you think is best. I guess... goodbye,” she says.
“Bye.”
She opens the front door and I’m blasted with frigid air and the aroma of incoming rain. She’s gone in seconds, and I feel like I’m melting into the floor. Everything sinks in all at once.
The shit show with Brittni.
And Brody.
Fucking Brody... I bite down on my tongue and stop myself from going down that black hole. But the thought I might have killed him digs my grave.
I crumble onto the couch, staring at the dark blue light trickling in through the blinds. The sun will be up in about half an hour.
The living room is trashed. Empty chip bags are crumbled on the coffee table, beer cans litter the floor, and pizza boxes pile up. There’s a condom wrapper on the carpet. I’m functioning on zero sleep, and my mistakes drills into the center of my conscience. I lay in silence, closing my eyes.
Endless thoughts race through my head, even when I try to fall asleep. When they become unbearable, it jerks me wide awake. I groan, but shift on the couch to get comfortable again. I take a deep breath, mad that I was almost asleep.
“Why can’t I fall asleep?” I open my eyes, clenching my fists together. I roll over again. Huffing and crossing my arms. My head runs a marathon, and if I were able to, I’d jump in front of a train to get it to shut up. My thoughts point speakers straight into my eardrums, not daring to shut off the microphone for a second.
I blacked out when I saw Brody... I can’t even think of the words... him holding her waist, and doing what he does best – ruining everyone’s life just to get off. That’s it. It’s all I remember besides snapping out of it and then the blood on my hands, Charlie sobbing, and Brody’s face all bloody.
I think I killed him. My brain convinces me I murdered him. And instead of going to the hospital like a normal human being, what did I do? I went home.
Footsteps creek down the hallway, and Jared emerges in his boxers. “Dude, where did you go? We had two girls over just going nuts on my dick...” He shuffles to the kitchen, opens the cupboards, pulling out the container of coffee.
“Congratulations...”
“You still pissy?”
“I don’t want to talk about it...”
Coffee gurgles as Jared leans on the counter, staring as it fills the pot.
“DUDE!” Nick comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his sudsy waist. The shower hammering in the background. He holds his phone up to Jared. “Brody’s in the hospital.”
“Shit...” I mutter out and sit up.
Jared snatches the phone and scrolls with a thumb. I watch as his eyebrows crash in the middle, before he fixates on me with a disturbing look. My bloody knuckles speak the truth. I don’t want to talk about it. There is no sugarcoating it. I put him in the hospital.
I’m done. No football, no future other than an aggravated assault, which I know will be a felony right on my lap with a prison cell.
“What happened, dude?” Jared asks.
“Oh shit, man...” Nick’s eyes bulge out of their sockets. I stare down at my knuckles, biting the inside of my cheeks until they bleed.
The words queued up in my throat. “He raped my sister...” I cover my face with a hand, slumping back onto the couch. Bile rolls in my stomach and I think I might vomit.
“Dude... okay... we need to go to the cops. Take Charlie down there, and they will see it as self-defense,” Jared says.
“I just went to go find Payton... I got into it with Brittni, telling her I was just done with her shit and realized...” I sob like a god-damn baby.
