Page 39 of Dirty Roulette
“You sound upset.”
“I’m not,” she grumbles.
“After today, I needed someone to talk to. Jared isn’t going to play telephone. Nothing is going to change between us. Charlie and you should have been born sisters because you two are obnoxious together. You two even fight like sisters.”
Payton coughs up a scoff and says, “Sure, I guess.”
“I’ll do whatever I can to protect you. I wasted three years doing the same for Brittni...”
“But you’re not over her, are you?” She asks and punches me in the stomach with the question. She switched gears fast, and it came out of nowhere.
“I don’t know, I just don’t... I.” I need to take in a breath and let my brain process and come up with the right words. “That’s not what I’m trying to say, and I don’t want to get into it with you about Brittni. It’s not about her.”
Payton lays back down on the hard metal. I sweep off the dirt on the merry-go-round and follow her lead. City lights dull out the night sky. Stars barely exist up there. A couple of constellations are visible, but not much of anything else. “I was a nervous wreck in high school. It was like a fire alarm was going off in my head anytime a girl tried to talk to me. I can’t explain it. I met Brittni, and I dunno. Things change I guess.”
“Oh...” She rubs her upper arm, and it’s like her gaze is far beyond my reach.
“I didn’t think she was in my league. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear.” A round of bullets plunges into my chest. Jumping the gun on a new relationship is the last thing on my mind. “I don’t want to give you the wrong impression.”
I can’t read her face. It’s like a gray curtain covers her in shadow. One second, I think she likes me, the next I’m the worst human being on the planet. Playing hard to get isn’t written in my resume.
“So, you aren’t then.” She scratches the edge of her hairline and turns her head sideways.
“I’m still a bit sore, but I won’t be giving her another chance.” I suck in a deep breath and hold in the pain burning through my veins. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to try with you.” Biting my tongue and shutting the hell up is warranted or I’ll make it worse. My feelings toward her and Brittni are polar opposites.
The cell in my pocket vibrates. I pull it out and swipe open my messages.
Charlie:Have you seen Payton?
Ryder:No, why?
Charlie:Forget it. You’re such a liar.
I slip the phone back into my pocket and Payton chews her thumbnail.
“I have gym and an early class. Message me when you get back to the dorms.” I sit up and scoot off the merry-go-round.
“Sure,” Payton props herself up with both elbows and jumps off. She waves goodbye and scurries down the sidewalk. No hug – nothing but coldness. I can’t read her at all. Everything she does and says gets me lost in a maze.
I take the twenty-minute walk back through the alleys with dense clouds looming under the crescent moon. When I reach the house, I slip back through the screen door. Once I get into my room, I crack the window open and collapse on the mattress. It squeaks as I adjust myself and try to sleep.
Chapter fifteen
Payton
The next day goes by faster than I expected. It’s four in the afternoon when I strut into the girl’s locker room, thirty minutes before the cheer team goes to practice. I rummage through my makeup bag and spill the contents all over the counter. I’ve never worn makeup at practice and my pores are gonna hate me later, but Ryder’s been at practice all afternoon and for some odd reason I want his attention. With mascara in hand, I’m caught off guard staring at a stall door swinging back and forth through the mirror.
In Sharpie, someone wrote Brittni and Ryder’s name, enclosing it in a cliché heart, saying they would be together forever. My brain boils into mush seeing it. I figured high school graffiti went extinct after graduation, but I’m wrong again. Digging through the side pocket of my bag, I find my hidden stash of Sharpies and snag the Sandford king-size permanent marker at the bottom. Gnashing my teeth on the cap, I stomp to the door and spit the top out of my mouth. Myknuckles turn white as I cross out their names with the loudest squeaks in existence.
“Screw you, Brittni!” I whisper, ensuring to scribble out every inch of the cherry red heart as if it would magically erase them from ever being together to begin with.
“Why didn’t you call me back yesterday?” Charlie asks, and I leap on my feet, twirling around. Busted. I smile at her, clenching the marker at my side. I’m surprised she doesn’t mention the thick smell. It’s killing my brain cells with each inhale. She drops her bag next to mine and gushes at herself in the mirror. Her ebony hair spirals down her shoulders, and her cheerleading uniform encompasses her curves. Flat and bare is all I see in my reflection.
“You weren’t at the dorm when I got back,” I say.
“And you weren’t there when I got there at ten. Where were you?”
“Nowhere fun...” I stroll over and place the marker on the counter searching for the cap.
