Page 68 of Dirty Roulette
“I want to be with you, Payton. Just tell her.”
I throw my finger up to his lips, “Shh... no, no. Please.” I’m shaking all over. Goosebumps prickle every inch of my body like the devil just touched my skin. Tears stream down my cheeks. I’m mixed with hot flashes and cold sweats that are ripping out my spine.
“Open the fucking door!” She pounds her fists and I feel the wall shaking all around me.
“Payton,” he whispers in anger.
“Please, please no.” I clench my eyes shut, crumbling into a puddle on the floor. “You don’t get it. She’ll never forgive me.” I clench the base of my pigtails, yanking on my hair.
“Yes, she will! Don’t do this.”
“I can't… I can't.”
Ryder snaps his head away, his cheeks flush as he breathes hard through his nose. He bites his bottom lip, his brows raising up. “Fine.” He tosses me my black spandex, and I put them on, but I’m shaking all over the place. My mouth waters and I can’t seem to stop the tears.
“Ryder...” I beg. The screws on the door knob are coming loose as she shakes the handle again.
“Hurry up!” She screams, and I’m sweating all over.
“Piss off, why don’t you!” He scouts back at her, running a hand through his hair as he glances at every inch of the bathroom.
“Are you jerking your shit or something?” Charlie’s voice breaks through my ribcage. I must be pulling out every hair follicle on my scalp.
He shouts back, “Go find a bush or something!”
“It’s the only bathroom here, dumbass! Are you hiding someone in there or what?” The bangs are like shotguns ricocheting through the door. Once she crashes in, she might as well shoot me in the head. There is no place to hide other than an obvious closet or even more obvious vomit green bathtub. It’s a done deal once we open the door.
Charlie always gave me subtle hints that if I ever dated her brother, we would never be friends again. I get it. She would be stuck in the middle of a relationship that may never work. Especially with Ryder fractured by a girl I’ll never match up to. His disheveled hair. My pigtails are undone. Makeup and lipstick residue on Ryder’s neck give it all away.
“Hey... hey,” he whispers and picks me up by the forearm. “You don’t need to cry.” Warm hands grasp my cheeks, and he strokes them with his thumbs before kissing me hard on the lips. When he pullsaway, he yanks the closet door open. “Get in and leave when she’s done.”
I squeeze into the closet, the dark swallowing me behind with the old musky towels. I cover my mouth with a hand as he pushes the closet door closed.
"Ryder!"
“God, you’re annoying!” he shouts.
“Who are you with in here? Hmm?” she questions, and I hear the shower curtain whip aside.
“No one.”
I’m motionless, not blinking or inhaling a single oxygen molecule. It’s that game I used to play in elementary, holding my breath as long as I could, counting the seconds until I’m blue.
“Have you seen Payton?” she asks.
I stare at the thin seam of light along the closet doorframe.
“No... why?”
“I dunno. Maybe it’s the fact you switched seats with Nick on the flight to sit next to her. Then you’re all over her after the game.”
“Okay, I hugged her after the game. So what?”
“I get you said to trust you but come on. I’m not sure how I feel about you messing around with my best friend.”
“I’m not, but I gotta ask, why? If I did want her, why can’t I be with her?” he asks.
“Why?” She coughs up a laugh. “I know her better than you.”
