Page 74 of Dirty Roulette
“Mom’s bathroom, go to mom’s bathroom!” They both race off down the hallway, and there is shuffling and muffled yelling coming from the room.
“Don’t do this to me, please Mom.”
I’ve sheltered Charlie and Payton from it since last Christmas. I always came home on nights when mom sounded worse than usual. When the crying spells were too intense and Mom wanted her life to end, I drove home and called it a homesick visit. I dunno if Mom liked the extra attention, but she would ramble that she didn’t belong on this planet and belonged somewhere up in the sky.
I always talked her off the ledge and calmed her down. Got her something to eat. Charlie and Payton were so interested in each other that they didn’t notice I cleaned the house, tackling the week's worth of dishes, and laundry. I’d take out the overflowing trash while Charlie and Payton were jumping into the pool. Those two didn’t need to worry about the adult shit I’ve burdened myself with. They never saw it. I cooked for them, logged into Charlie’s school account, and made her do the homework, so she graduated on time.
Dad didn’t step up to help; he was never home. If he was, he would merely say he wanted nothing to do with Mom during one of her meltdowns. He’d find a hotel and stay there for several days on end. I guess that’s where he met the home wrecker.
Charlie comes back in with a pink box and she pries it open with her lion-sharp nails, pulling out the nasal spray. She’s trembling likeshe has Parkinson’s. “I got it!” I take it. At least Dad was good for something.
“It says on the box that it wears off,” Charlie trembles with a hand covering her mouth as I spray it into Mom’s nostrils. I pat Mom on the cheeks, and within seconds her breathing starts to normalize.
“How long do we have?” I ask. At this point I’m shaking all over, my blood cold and I can’t even feel my heartbeat anymore.
“Maybe thirty minutes.”
“They’re here!” Payton goes racing down the hallway as I pick my mom off the floor, carrying her out of the house.
Chapter twenty-six
Payton
Not a single word. Nothing but the sound of the car humming and a sharp, high-pitched tone rings in my ears. Charlie pulls up to the dorm rooms, her hands super-glued to the steering wheel. The look in her eyes is straight out of a horror movie as they search into the distant darkness with nothing there.
“Are you okay?” I break the silence.
“I don’t know.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“My Mom tried to kill herself tonight, and you were with him and you’re wearing my clothes...” Her gray eyes are empty as her fingers twist the leather of the steering wheel as if it were what she wanted to do with my neck.
I couldn’t swallow, feeling a lump the size of a jawbreaker lodged in my throat. All I can mutter is the word. “Yeah...”
“Why was my brother with you?” She doesn’t break eye contact with the nothingness outside. This is it. Tell her, spit it out.
“What do you mean?” Dumb question.You know why you were with him.
“Stop playing dumb. He looked nice like he was trying to impress you, and you’re all dolled up. You never try unless it’s me curling your hair and forcing you into decent clothes. It’s my brother – you’ve been crying and freaking out about my brother. Just admit it.”
I chewed on her words. “It’s not like that...” Something wraps its fingers around my neck telling me to shut up, that it’ll do the talking for me.
“Is that honestly all you can say? You’re lying to me... again.”
Own up to it. Tell her how you feel about him. Vomit out every feeling churning in your heart.“I’m sorry... I think tonight is really emotional for both of you. He wanted to go hang out and see a movie so we did.”
“Out of all the guys out there in the universe, you pick him. You can’t be with him! That’s not an option, it’s never going to be one. And you’re lying to me about it! You seriously can’t be doing this to me.” She runs a hand through her tangled hair. Her eyes brim with tears, and my insides tear apart like I’m the worst possible human being on the planet.
The pitter-patter of drizzling rain hits the roof of the car. It’s a few drops, but within seconds it turns heavy, dulling the streetlights.
“Why can’t Sebastian and I be friends? You’ve never freaked out about it before.”
“Because you’re into the Crab and he is my brother...” She hisses it out. “And I’ve watched you have two meltdowns about him.” She holds up two fingers to my face, trembling as they stare at me in the face. “Not just one but two.” She uses the seam of her shirt to wipe the edges of her eyes. “Friends,” she scoffs. “You two are more than friends.”
I wish he wasn’t her brother. This would be easier without the label. If it were anyone else, there wouldn’t be a care in the world. If I wanted to fuck any other guy’s brains out, it wouldn’t matter – but it’s him. I caught feelings like the black death, not even a plague doctor mask will protect me from it rampaging through my veins.
“You are always out with Noah, so we’ve been hanging out a bit more, I guess. I’m sorry about your mom, I really am.”
