Page 29 of Explode
Icouldn’tbreathe.Mylungs constricted so much from the pain that noair could get in. With every step I took away from the cellar,away from my husband, the crushing weight of betrayal settled deeper into my bones until it consumed every inch of my being.
Blood thundered in my ears. I barely heard Ash ask if I was okay as Iwalked through the club. My garbled response of needing air appeased him, and when he didn’t stop me, I walked my ass straight out of Club Sin. I was desperate to put distance between me and all the lies and deception that lay within the walls of the club.
Did Ash and the others know Kai was alive?
Probably.
I was the only moron who had been none the wiser. An array ofsympathetic looks from Miles and each of the men I’d spent the last six months with flashed before my eyes, only now they weren’t looks of sympathy for a grieving widow. They were looks of pity because they knew the truth and I didn’t.
My lungs loosened fractionally the further away I got from Club Sin,enough for me to breathe easier. That was until the sobs started. Deep wracking sobs that took over my body, making me tremble so violently that I stumbled and grazed my arm along a wall. The pounding of blood in my ears roared louder, and everything around me faded away, all I could focus on was the agony coursing through my body.
Every second for the last six months I had spent grieving for Kai hadbeen for nothing. Every minute I spent feeling guilty with the knowledge that Kai died taking a bullet for me had been for nothing. The anguish and despair that had taken root on that fateful night and festered inside me until it was the only thing I could feel had all been for nothing.
The pain tearing through my body became too much. My legsbuckled, and I fell to the floor, banging my knees on the hard concrete of the sidewalk. I didn’t have a single fuck to give that I was in the middle of East Bay where anyone could have recognized me and delivered me straight to the men who had started this war. But right then, I would have taken Max and Hendrix over facing my lying, deceitful husband, and every other fucker who had strung me along.
But not one person gave me a second glance as I moved to leanagainst the wall of a closed down store. I was a mess, my clothes were filthy from the cellar, my hair was disheveled, and tears stained my face. To the people of East Bay, I looked like another homeless kid, clucking because they didn’t have the cash to get their next fix, and it was easier to ignore people in a crisis than to help them.
I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my head in the crook, tryingmy damned hardest to regain control over my breathing, but instead, a memory ofthatnight took over.
“Riley….I’m sorry….Kai, he didn’t make it. Kai, he’s dead,” Miles sayson a choked whisper. His eyes are red raw, his face pale, and his clothes are soaked in blood.
Kai’s blood.
I close my eyes as the words echo around my brain, and even thoughI knew what Miles was going to say before he uttered those words, I don’t want to believe it. Kai can’t be dead. He is Kai Wolfe, he’s indestructible. But the blood coating my skin proves he is only human after all.
Was.
Was human.
Now he’s nothing.
I need to see him. I need to see him with my own eyes before I canaccept the truth.
“I want to see him,” I say, holding back the tears threatening to fall. Ileap from the chair, intent on going through the door Miles came from, but he blocks my path.
“Riley, no,” Miles says firmly, gripping my shoulders and stopping mefrom going anywhere. His touch burns, and it’s enough for something to snap inside of me.
“Let me go,” I roar, shoving his hands away. “ I need to see Kai!”
“Riley, listen to me,” Miles shouts back, grabbing me again andholding me in place. “You don’t want to see him like that, Riley. You don’t want to remember him that way.” His voice cracks and his eyes fill with remorse and guilt, and I know instantly he blames himself for not getting to Kai in time.
His pain breaks me, my knees buckle and I fall, but Miles catches meand holds me against his chest. “It’s okay, I’ve got you, Riley,” he whispers, his arms banding around me as he strokes my back soothingly. I wrap my arms around him and let the pain consume me.
Kai’s dead.
I’m never going to see him again.
I’m never going to hear his voice again.
I’m never going to feel the touch of his hands on my body again.
I want to see him, but I know Miles is right. It’s been five years sincemy mom died and I still see her face most days. Her gray face, the white foam around her mouth, the smell of death….
No, I don’t want to remember Kai like that. It’s bad enough I’llremember the moment I realized he had been shot for the rest of my life, and how his warm blood seeped into my clothes. I don’t need the image of him stone-cold in a mortuary.
Miles holds me as I sob and sob until the tears dry up. It’s just us two,everyone else has left us so we can be alone with our grief. Time creeps by as we stand there, but how much time passes, I don’t know. Miles gently pulls me away from his chest and looks down at me, his own eyes filled with unshed tears.
“Riley, we have to go.”
