Page 53 of Cruel Love
Words lodged in my throat, and at my silence, James released meand spun me around. On my one good foot, I hobbled back, apprehension making me put space between me and the man who haunted my dreams.
James’ eyes narrowed as they took in my battered body beforecoming up to meet my wide, scared gaze.
“Let me ask you something, Mouse,”he said, instantly closing thegap between us. Instead of his usual hateful glare he held for me, his eyes were filled with something else. Something I couldn’t decipher.“When you lived at Peartree House, did there ever come a time when you accepted your fate? Accepted that no matter what you did, you would never be free of that place?”
His head tilted to one side as he waited for my answer. I licked mylips, my mouth dry from not just running through the woods in fear of my life, but from the way James stared at me, like any second he would pounce and eat me whole.
I remembered the exact moment I accepted my fate. I was twelveyears old and had been sent to my room after a whipping from Ms. Milligan because I’d had the audacity to ask her for some Advil to help my period cramps.I’d laid in bed, hugging my body in hopes of getting some relief fromboth the cramps in my stomach, and the pain from the whipping, when a bolt of realization hit me harder than the lashes from Ms. Milligan’s leather belt.
This would be my life forever.
“Yes,”I replied, my voice a breathy whisper.
James’ jaw clenched. He reached out, wrapping his handaround my throat and bringing his face a mere inch away from mine.“I watched you run, Mouse. Watched you disappear into the darkness, and for all of a second, I was glad you were out of my sight,”he said, his breath brushing over my lips as he spoke in a hushed voice as if we would be overheard.“I got back in the car, and I fully intended on leaving you.”
He paused, his eyes darting between mine. I held my breath while Iwaited for him to speak again. Something in my stomach told me that whatever he was about to say would change the course of both our lives.
“But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even bring myself to start the engine,”he chuckled, but there was no humor to it. His grip tightened possessively around my throat.“I was going to let you go, Mouse. Once you had my kid, I was going to make sure I never had to see you again. But you just had to crawl beneath my skin. I tried to keep you out, but you just kept digging and fucking digging.”
My heart began to thud heavily against my ribs as James’ tone filledwith anger, the pain in my ankle and arm long forgotten.
“It hit me, Willow. When I was sitting in the car, telling myself to startthe engine and drive away. It hit me like a ton of fucking bricks.Acceptance.Acceptance that you are mine. Acceptance that you belong to me, consequences be damned because I’m never going to let you go.”
He slammed his mouth down on mine, my hands coming up to griphis shirt as he forced his tongue through my lips, raw desperation in the way he kissed me.
I shouldn’t have been happy to feel the relief coursing through me. AsJames’ tongue warred with mine, I told myself that it was because I was relieved I wouldn’t be dying in the forest. But that wasn’t the truth. It was relief at James admitting he wasnever letting me go. It was relief mixed with my own acceptance that Iwantedto belong to James.
Abruptly, James released my throat and gripped my thighs, hoistingmy legs up and wrapping them around his waist. In three large strides, he slammed my back against a tree, holding me in place with his hips pressed against me.
“I’m not a good man, Willow. I’ve killed people, and I’ll kill a fuck lotmore before this life is over, and I won’t regret a single death at my hands,”he growled.
My breath stuck in my throat at his confession. I’d always suspectedJames was capable of murder, and there’d been times when I was certainIwould meet my fate at his hands, but I didn’t have time to think about it.
With one hand, he reached under my skirt and ripped my underwearclean off my body, tossing the torn material on the ground before undoing his pants, and pulling his hard cock free.
In one violent thrust, he was inside me, the two of us hissing as heburied himself to the hilt.“I’m not capable of love,”he whispered, his eyes burning fiercely.“And I don’t fucking deserve to be loved. But I’m a selfish cunt, and I need you, Willow. I need your love.”
I sucked in a shaky breath as my brain struggled to comprehend whathe was saying. Between my legs, my core throbbed around James’ length, desperate for him to move inside me, but he stayed still, not yet finished talking.
“I’ll be cruel to you, Mouse. I’ll do things that will make you hate me.But I promise you this. I’ll take care of you. I’ll never let anyone but me hurt you. And if any cunt dares to lay a finger on you, I’ll rip their hearts out and serve it to you on a golden platter so you know they can never hurt you again.”
Tears sprung to life in my eyes. I should have been terrified of whathe was saying, but the promise of his protection doused any fear that had been building in me.
Daring to be brave, I raised a hand and delicately cupped James’cheek, my heart racing wildly as I braced myself for him to snap at me and tell me to get my hand off him.
But he didn’t.
Instead, he nuzzled into my touch, his stubble scraping against my palm, his eyes briefly closing and a sense of peace washed over his face.
“Can you accept me for who I am, Mouse? Do you think one day youcould love a monster?”he said as his eyes found mine again.
Raw vulnerability coated his voice causing my breath to hitch. He wascruel, but somewhere, buried deep under layers and layers of darkness was a sliver of light. If there wasn’t, then he wouldn’t have come back for me.
Right?
Maybe all we needed was time. Time for me to peel back the layersof darkness, and let that light shine through. Even if he only shined for me.
For a tense few seconds, I didn’t say anything as I stared deep intohis eyes. The feeling of acceptance once again cascaded through me like a waterfall. There was no part of me that wanted to tell him no, that I couldn’t accept him for who he was.
