Page 89 of Cruel Love
Fuck it. You’ll always be my mouse, whatever name you go by.
Truthfully, I never thought I’d be writing this letter. There was a timewhen I didn’t give a fuck if you spent the rest of your life hating me, so long as you gave me what I needed. I didn’t think for one second, you’d burrow your way under my skin, and into my heart, but I should have known.
The minute I laid eyes on you, I always knew you were special. I triedto ignore the part of methatkept telling me you were so much more than what I needed you to be. If I’d listened, if I hadn’t been so fucking selfish, maybe we would have had more time together.
Butevenif we did, you’d still end up hating me, and I don’t blameyou. There is no apology big enoughthatI can give you to make up for what I’ve done, notjustby taking your father away from you, but for the way I treated you when you first came into my life.
NotthatI expect this to help, but I want you to knowthatI will spendthe rest of my life regretting every shitty thing I ever said or did to you, andthatmy punishment for treating you so callously, isthatI have to spend the rest of my life without you.
I’ve always been a selfish cunt, Mouse. I only had one goal in life,andevenas I write this, the selfish part of me wants to tear this letter up and refuse to let you go.
But for once, I’m not going to be selfish. You deserve a better life.After everything you’ve been through, you deserve to live the rest of your days far, far away from me, and any other cuntthatwants to hurt you.
Know this, Mouse. By the time you read this, my father and KevinWelch will be dead. Like Milligan, they will never be able to hurt you again.
And neither will I.
In the bag, you’ll find the key to your collar, $5,000,000, and a newidentitythatCleo has made. Don’t worry, she’s been sworn to secrecy as to the new name she’s given you, and has promised to shoot me between the eyes if I dare to ask what it is.
You’ll also find divorce papers. Sign them before you go, and I’ll filethem with the courts. Cleo has arranged for a car to take you to the airport, and there is a plane fuelled, and ready to take you wherever you want to go.
So go, Mouse. Remove your collar for good. Take the money, signthe papers, and be free. Be happy, and forget this chapter of your life. Never think of me, of Peartree House or any of the people who hurt you ever again.
James
Tears streaked down my cheeks as I read his words over and overagain. When I couldn’t read them anymore because my heart hurt too much, I dropped the note and let it flutter to the floor.
With shaky hands, I opened the bag, finding the key to my collarresting on top of divorce papers, along with a passport and ID card containing my photo, and a name I’d never heard of before.
Rebecca Smith.
A name so common that James would never be able to track me down even if he wanted to.
When I pushed them to one side, wads of dollar notes filled the bag.I shoved the bag away, and collapsed to the floor, loud sobs erupting from me.
I wanted to go. I wanted to sign the papers, take the money, and getthe hell away from everything, finally start the life I should have always had.
Part of me wanted to stay though, and I couldn’t resonate withthatpart of me. James had been cruel. He’d treated me badly, used and abused my body, and told me time and time againthatI meant nothing to him.
But he’d also shown a different side to him. One where he protectedme from the people who wanted to hurt me. A side where he cared about me, and made me feel wanted. Safe.
Loved.
But wasthatenough? Wouldthatbe enough to be able to forgive himfor killing my father in cold blood?
No.
I could maybe forgive him for how he treated me in the beginning.But I could never forgive him for taking away my dad. Regardless of whether he knewthathis father was lying, by killing my dad, he took my mom away from me too.
Withthatthought in mind, I stood, a new determinationrolling through me as I swiped the tears from my cheeks and found a pen. Snatching the divorce papers, I trailed my gaze over the words until I found where I needed to sign, and without letting myself second guess my decision, I lowered the pen to the paper.
Chapter 31
James
“Do you want me to come in with you?”Jackson said.“You don’thave to be the one to do this.”
It was the first time we’d spoken for the entire journey to my father’shouse, my mind preoccupied to make small talk.
