Page 21 of Holding On to a Hero
“No way! You don’t have any reason to be nervous. Shit. Come inside at least. Sorry, sorry.” He pulled me through the doorway. I handed him the wine and he thanked me. Then we were back to standing and staring at each other.
“Oh, right! Drink! You need something to drink!” He turned toward the kitchen. Normally Cole was very graceful when he moved, but now he was walking stiffly.Holy shit, was he really nervous? Why? He and Jason held all the cards in this proposed relationship. I was the one begging for entry into a private party.
At least worrying about Cole being nervous gave me something to think about other than vomiting.
Chapter Fourteen
Jason
Since I was manning the grill, Cole went inside to let Will in when we’d heard his truck drive up. Even allowing time to get Will a drink, they were taking a long time to come outside. I’d already been sweating bullets, but the extra wait was driving me nuts. What if Will had changed his mind about giving us a chance? He’d had all afternoon to realize I was too uptight and Cole’s life was too high-maintenance.
After an eon they came through the back door and out onto the deck. I took one glance at their body language and I knew things had gone to shit.Fuck, fuck, fuck! It was a miracle Cole and I had made our current relationship work. Trying to add Will to the mix might require more interpersonal skills than we actually had.
I took a deep breath. Someone had to step up, and apparently it was going to be me.
“Hey, Will! Thanks for coming!” Great, I sounded like we’d invited him to a business meeting.
“Hi, Jason.” Shit, he sounded nervous. He was standing about five feet away from Cole, and he hadn’t moved closer to me either.
I looked at Cole. He was rubbing his elbow, which meant he didn’t know what to do either.
“Um, okay. So it looks like we’re all kind of nervous here. Just wanted to get that out there so we could deal with it.”
We all hesitated, and then Will burst out, “But why areyounervous? You two have all the power in this conversation. I’m just the beggar at the door!”
What? Shit! “No, no, Will!” I practically ran toward him. I grabbed him around the shoulders and pulled him into a hug. “You are not a beggar! Wewantyou!” Where was the confident guy we’d known up til now?
Cole came up next to us and put his arms around us, just like he’d done earlier that day. “Will, you’re wrong. To us,youhave all the power.Youcan reject us and walk away. Then we won’t get to see if we can have a relationship with you, and we probably won’t even get to be your friends.”
Might as well lay all the cards on the table. “We told you this morning that we’re not in this for a casual fuck. And we meant that. We want a boyfriend.”
“And we want to see if that boyfriend can be you, Will.” Cole squeezed us tighter.
At last Will leaned into the hug. “I, I, uh, oh my God, I want that too.” He made a hiccuppy inhale. “But you don’t know what you’re getting into with me. I’ve got issues. So many issues.”
Cole pulled his head back. “Look at me, Will.” He waited until Will raised his head and looked him in the eyes. “Once you venture out in public with me, you will realize that any issues you have are puny and insignificant compared to the shitshow that comes with being Cole Washburn. We’re in a cozy little bubble here on the ranch right now, but eventually people are going to figure out where I am, and we’re going to end up having to build a ten-foot wall with razor wire around the entire seventy acres to keep out the paparazzi and everyday looky-loos.”
“And don’t forget the freaky fan letters that will then come directly to the house instead of to your agent.” I shuddered. People were creepy about expressing their feelings for Cole. As a security expert, it made me insane. As Cole’s boyfriend, it made me furious.
“So, you see, Will,” Cole went on. “Even if you think you want this relationship with us today, we’re still nervous that you’ll feel like it’s too much to deal with down the line.”
Will made a humming sound. “I get what you’re saying, and that does sound…unpleasant. But maybe I should lay all my cards on the table too, and then we can all be on a level playing field – if you see what I’m trying to say with all of those metaphors.”
Cole started to smile. “That’s a good idea, Will. Why don’t we have a relaxing dinner first, though. Get some food and a little alcohol in our systems. And,” he turned a shit-eating grin in my direction. “It’s not just you and me, Will. We can’t forget Captain Bossypants over here. He has his own issues you should definitely know about.”
Well, crap.
Things were easier after that, though. We managed some small talk, and once the steaks and potatoes were done we moved inside to eat. I loved the ranch’s open kitchen, and the carved wooden dining table had actually been my grandmother’s. I didn’t have much of hers left, but being able to use her table every day went a long way toward making the house Cole had purchased feel like it was mine too. I wondered if one day we might be incorporating some things of Will’s here.
Toward the end of dinner the conversation lulled. We’d all been doing our best to stick to light topics, like where the rescued horses had come from and interesting animals Will had photographed or wanted to. But now Cole cleared his throat.
“So, I was thinking that there’s another heavy topic I’d like to get out of the way before we delve into the others we’ve already planned to talk about.” Will and I exchanged glances. He didn’t look like he was going to run away, at least.
Cole went on, “Will, I want to tell you about my plans for coming out to the public.”
“Uh, okay. But you know you don’t have to tell me. That’s your business.”
“I know, Will. But if we’re going to be involved you deserve to know how it’s going to go down. So to speak.” Cole gave us a bright grin. Will shook his head.
