Page 28 of Head Over Feels
Igrunted, then said, “There’sa flashlight in the laundry room, andIthinkCraigleft a box of candles in the kitchen.”
Felixgrunted in response.Ijerked my head up in case he was making fun of me, but he was looking at his phone. “There’sa flash flood warning in effect too.”
Felixhad said he didn’t live very far away, but flooding was too risky. “Ihave a guest room.Maybeyou should stay here tonight.”
Beforehe replied, the lights went out.
“Shit.”Iused my phone to light my way to the laundry room to get the flashlight.Felixsat down at the kitchen table. “Goahead and eat.I’mgoing to get us some alcohol with dinner.Beeror wine, or something stronger?”
Felixgrinned. “Ihave to work tomorrow, so nothing strong.Howabout a glass of wine?”
Thelight from inside the refrigerator was almost blinding. “I’vegot a decent chardonnay that’ll go well with the pasta.”
“Soundsgreat.”
Itucked the bottle of wine under my arm and held the two glasses in my free hand.Iset everything on the table andFelixheld the flashlight asIpoured the wine.Thatdone,Iused the flashlight to find the box of candles.Ofcourse they were on the top shelf of the cabinet over the sink.Sighing,Iused my cane to hook the edge of the box and pull it off the shelf.I’dhad to get creative with shit like that sinceIgot injured.
Nowwe had twelve plain white taper candles but no candlesticks to put them in.Shrugging,Ipulled out a tall drinking glass and stuck five of the candles in it.Ikept a lighter in the drawer with the kitchen gadgets, soIhad them lit in no time.
“Wow,”Felixsaid asIdeposited the bouquet of flames in the center of the table.Iswitched off the flashlight as we now had more than enough light to see by.
Isat down, grateful to be off my leg.Pickingup my wine glass,Itoasted, “Here’stoCraig, for leaving his candles behind when he moved out.”Becausethat wasn’t somethingIhad ever put on a shopping list.
Chuckling,Felixtapped his glass to mine, and we drank.
Thepasta was a little cold by the time we ate, but the alcohol helped me not care.Thewine went down easily, andFelixandIfound plenty to talk about.Whichif you knew me you’d find hilarious.Iam not a talker.AsIcleared the plates from the table and put them in the dishwasher, somehow we got on the topic of our coming out stories.
“IguessIhad it easy,”Felixsaid. “Withit only being my sister and my grandma.Ourmom died whenIwas ten years old.Cancer.Mydad had a heart attack about three years later.Mygrandma wasn’t in great health, so even though my sister was a senior in college, she raised me tilIgot out of high school.Wemight be pretty ticked off at each other right now.”Heheld up a hand, palm toward me. “I’llget tothatstory later.Butshe was cool whenIcame out to her.Shethanked me for telling her and she told me she loved me.”Felixlooked down at his almost-empty wine glass and sighed. “Ishould call her one of these days.”
Isat back down and picked up the bottle to top off his glass with what little remained.Probablyshouldn’t open another one.Weboth had to work tomorrow. “Onlyif whatever you’re mad about is solvable.”Ihuffed. “Itold my parentsIwas bisexual whenIwas eighteen.Iknew they wouldn’t react well, soIwaited untilIhad a college scholarship and student loans lined up.”
Felixput his hand on my forearm where it rested on the table. “Howbadly did they react?”
Itmight’ve been the wine, butIdidn’t hesitate to turn my hand over and lace my fingers withFelix’s. “They’revery religious.”Felixwinced, and his fingers tightened briefly. “TheydecidedI’dbeen tempted bySatan, and they wanted to pray over me and send me to conversion therapy.Ileft home that day.Ihaven’t spoken to them, or to my brother or sister since.”
Felixmade a commiserating noise in his throat. “Areyour siblings younger or older?”
“Younger.MybrotherMichaelis five years younger than me andEllieis six years younger.”Icleared my throat. “Theydidn’t have their own phones, andIknew my parents would intercept any emails or letters, soIdidn’t even try to reach out.I’vebeen thinking about tracking them down, butI’mnot sureI’lllike whatIfind.”
Felixplayed with my fingers for a minute. “Ifyou found them and talked to them, at least you’d know whether they’d accept you or not.Nomore wondering.”
“Maybe.”
Heshook his head. “I’msorry for bringing up such a painful topic.”
Isqueezed his hand. “I’vemade my peace with it for the most part.”Isnorted. “It’sfunny.EverytimeI’vebeen out with a woman,Ialways think how my family would be so happy because they could ignore the part of me that also likes men and everyone else.”
Felixdrained his wine glass, then set it down and raised his eyebrows. “Andwhat do you think about when you’re with men and everyone else?”
Ihesitated, looking into his clear gray eyes, darker in the candlelight, with the corners crinkled from the challenging smirk he had on his face.Felixwas hella young, but being with him made answeringLisa’squestions about whetherIwas interested in a relationship easy.Istill didn’t thinkFelixwould want me long-term.Buta casual fuck?EvenIcould read the signals he was sending.
“Askme again in the morning,”Igrowled out.
Keepinghold ofFelix’shand,Istood.Ihad to lean on my cane to get out from behind the table, soIedged around the corner toward him.Felixsurged up to meet me, but his chair tipped backwards, falling to the floor with a clatter.
Felixsaid a mild swear word and let go of my hand so he could pull the chair upright.Istifled a laugh, remembering how he’d fallen on his ass the first time he’d come to the house.Hewouldn’t want to know how adorableIfound his clumsiness.I’dhave to be careful to avoid leaving potential tripping hazards around.
WhenFelixturned back toward me, he’d lost the cocky smirk. “Sorry,” he muttered, looking at me warily. “Ihope that wasn’t a mood-killer.”
