Page 72 of Head Over Feels
Inodded, sniffling. “Thanks.”Iwanted more than anything forFelixto be with me whenIopened the envelope.WhichCraig, the fucker, probably knew.
Craighelped me pick up my crutches.Ireally needed to get a second cane.Myswim trunks weren’t quite dry soIheld the envelope between my fingers whileIcrutched back to the guest house.
BrooksandReinerswarmed around me briefly.Lilygave me a wide berth, but she didn’t seem as terrified as usual.
Ellie’sletter consumed my thoughts.Craigmade it sound like she was accepting of my being queer.Butshe could’ve grown into a person who only offered conditional acceptance.Ormaybe she was putting on an act for the stranger she’d met today, and the letter was full of my parents’ style of religious hate.Buton the other hand, what if she truly meant what she’d said toCraig?
I’dspun myself into a knot of hope and apprehension by the timeImade it to the guest cottage.
Felixwas putting his shoes on whenIcame through the front door, and just seeing his smile calmed the storm inside me.Myfirst instinct whenCraighad handed me the letter had been to go toFelix, and this was why.We’donly been together as boyfriends for a couple of days, but he grounded me.Hewas becoming my home.
“Hey,” he started.Thenhe frowned and rushed over. “What’swrong.Whyare you crying?”
Iswiped at my cheeks with my knuckles.Iwas sureIlooked like a dumbass, standing there with the door open, staring atFelixand tearing up.Emotionalrevelations weren’t pretty.
“Craigbrought this.”Iwaved the envelope. “Hewas at the house.Mysister... mysisterstopped by.”
“Holycrap!”Felixrushed over to me.Heshoved the front door closed then guided me over to the couch.Isat and he put my crutches on the floor.Hecuddled up to my side and looped an arm around my shoulders.
Howdid he know exactly whatIneeded?
Ismiled at him, tears still leaking from my eyes.Felixprobably thought they were a result of the letter, but that was only part of it.
Iheld ontoFelixuntilIcould get my emotions under control.
“CraigtoldEllieIhad a boyfriend, and she said she wanted to meet you.”
Felixgasped and hugged me tight. “Malcolm, that’s wonderful.”
“Ihaven’t opened the letter.Iwanted to be with you whenIread it.”
“Ofcourse.”Hedidn’t understand why wanting his support was a big deal for me, andIwasn’t going to tell him.ThoughI’dprobably have to tellLisa, dammit.
Butnow, the letter.
Iclosed my eyes for a few seconds then smoothed the envelope over my knee.SlowlyIstuck my finger under the flap and tore it open.Ipulled out the single piece of paper and held it soFelixcould read it with me.
DearMalcolm,
Ihope you can forgive me for not reaching out sooner, butIonly found out you were alive a few weeks ago.Whenyou left,MotherandFathertold us you’d joined theArmy, and then a few months later they told us you’d been killed in the line of duty.Theyeven had an urn and a flag folded up into a triangle they put in your old room
.“Holycrap,”Felixbreathed.Ihad to close my eyes and swallow against the shock and rage.
Lookingback, they really increased their bigoted rhetoric after you were gone.Michael, unfortunately, agreed with every hateful thing that came out of their mouths.Ikept my head down untilIgraduated high school.Igot a full scholarship toBaylor, which was barelyChristianenough for our parents.Imoved toHoustonafterIgraduated, andI’mmarried and have two wonderful children,AugustandDaniel.ButMotherandFatherdidn’t approve of my husbandDiego(I’msure you can guess why based on his name alone) andIdidn’t want to exposeDiegoor my children to their horrible opinions, soIstopped visiting them and we just exchangedChristmascards.
LastmonthFatherpassed away from colon cancer.Mothercalled and guilted me into going to the funeral, butIleftDiegoand the kids inHouston.Motherasked for a picture of the kids, and she was appalledAugustwas no longer presenting as female and had chosen a new name.Duringher diatribe about the evils of teenagers expressing their true selves, she told me she should have knownIwas just like you.WhenIquestioned her, she called you some awful slurs.ButIfound it odd she spoke of you in the present tense.Istarted to think about howI’dbeen surprised you’d never even said goodbye to me andMichaelwhen you left home.WhenIgot back toHoustonIdid some digging.Ifigured out they’d lied to us and you were still alive.
Idon’t blame you at all for not reaching out.I’msure you thoughtIhated you like they do, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.Ifyou’re willing to speak to me, please call me at the number below.
Allmy love,
Ellie
Felixheld me whileIsobbed.Thistime my tears were for the familyI’dlost and for how luckyIwas my sister had found me.Andfor how gratefulIwas to haveFelixholding me and just being there for me.
Felixwas my family now.
ON THE SCREWFELICIA DISCORD SERVER
