Page 8 of Head Over Feels
Istood up, pushing the chair back with my legs. “Ithought he was single,Iswear,”Imuttered, keeping my head down.HopefullyI’dbe allowed to leave without getting punched first.
Istepped away from the table to make my getaway, but in my hasteIcaught my shoe on a chair leg, causing me to stumble right intoJaime’sboyfriend.
“Oof!I’mso sorry!”Icried asIthudded into his chest.Hedidn’t look like he lifted weights or anything, but it was likeI’dhit a wall; he didn’t even step back.DidImentionI’mnot the skinniest guy around?Theboyfriend didn’t look at me, just put his hands on my biceps and pushed me upright.Isidled away as quickly and inconspicuously as possible.Thankfullythe blond guy took my elbow and pointed me toward the exit.Imanaged to nod my thanks and hightail it out of the restaurant.
Coleowed me so hard for this.
Iyanked my phone from my pocket asIpower-walked through the parking lot.ShouldIcall or text him?Yellingwould be pretty satisfying right now,Idecided.
* * *
Bythe timeIreached my apartment complexIwas much calmer.Colehad been profusely apologetic.But, really, how couldIbe mad at him when this date hadn’t turned out any worse than the othersI’dbeen on in the past few years.Itjust proved my dating life was cursed andIshould continue my sabbatical, focusing only on my career.
Iwas still furious atJaime’sholier-than-thou attitude about pet massage therapy, though.Wheredid he get off thinking he could judge me?AtleastI’dbe helping animals and their owners.Hebuilt skyscrapers for rich jerks.
IfIwinced a little thinking my ex-dates would have a very similar opinion about me if they found outI’dheld them up for the world to laugh at, well, that was no one’s business but my own.
Crap.
Angerand guilt were fighting in my gut asIclomped up the stairs and down the hall, turning the corner to reach my apartment.Asmall box sat in front of my door.Usuallythe apartment complex sent an email whenIhad a package delivered, but maybe one of my neighbors had picked it up by mistake.
Ichecked, and it was addressed to me.Someoneis thinking about youwas plastered across the outside of the box on colorful tape.
Couldit be from my grandma?Sometimesshe sent cookies.I’dbeen planning to spend the rest of the night on the couch with a bottle of cheap vodka, but cookies would be a welcome addition to help drown my feelings.Thenight was looking up at last.
Afterdumping my wallet and keys on the kitchen counter,Irooted around in my junk drawer for a pair of shears to open the package with.Insidethe outer box was another box tied with curly multicolored ribbon.Thinkingof you, said the sticker on the lid.
Smiling,Ilifted out the smaller box and tugged on the ribbon.
Thebox burst open.Iflinched back and yelled as a shower of glitter exploded all over the kitchen.Andme.
“Ugh!”Ispat into the sink to get the glitter out of my mouth.Itried to wipe my face on my sleeve, but my shirt was covered in it too.LuckilyIhadn’t gotten any in my eyes, but it was crusted on my eyelids and in my beard.
Iswiped at my head to get it out of my hair.Theglitter rained down on the counter.Silverglitter.Goldglitter.Red, blue, green glitter.
Itcovered the counter and the kitchen floor.Ididn’t have to look to know it had spread over the opposite side of the counter onto the living room carpet.
Freakingfantastic.
Ibrushed my hands together to get the worst of it off, thenIstudied the remains of the box.Aspring had powered the little explosion.Ifound a notecard underneath the glitter and pulled it out.Oneside of the card showed a drawing of a tree and proclaimed,Ourglitter is non-toxic and biodegradable!Onthe other side someone had handwritten a note.
Thisis the least you deserve.
Itwasn’t signed.
Iflashed to my ex-dates.Surelynot.Imean, what were the odds they would’ve seenFeliciain theCity, much less recognized themselves.
Shakingmy head,Iset about washing the glitter off my hands, cleaning as much asIcould from the counter and the floor, then running my ancient vacuum cleaner over the living room carpet.
Icouldn’t think of anyoneI’daggravated recently.ExceptJaime, of course.Notto mention his boyfriend.Butthe timing wasn’t right.Isnorted to myself.Ifanyone deserved a glitter bomb, it wasJaime.
Thekitchen was as clean as it was going to get, at least tonight.Iwent into the bathroom and stood in the tub to take my clothes off.Biodegradablemeant it could go down the drain, right?Showeringwas a relief.Theglitter had been starting to itch.
Afterputting on a t-shirt and pajama pants,Iflopped down on the couch.Iwas exhausted but too wired to sleep yet.Groaning,Iheaved myself up again and trudged to the kitchen.Afterpouring myself a generous vodka with a hint of tonic,Ishuffled back to the couch and sank into the cushions.
Withthe kitchen light on, the carpet sparkled from embedded glitter.Thevacuum hadn’t done much to get it out.
Islugged back about a third of my vodka tonic, thenIpicked up my phone to textCal.
