Page 95 of Head Over Feels
Hi,Trent.Meagain.Iknow you won’t read these messages until you get out, but writing them helps me pretend you’ll walk in the door any time now.
Only49 days til your trial starts.Ihope it’ll be a quick one so you can be released faster.
Thanksfor sayingIcould move into your house.It’ssaved me so much time dealing with the traffic on the way to check on your place.ButIwas worried you felt like you didn’t have much choice about letting me move in, soIdecided to put most of my stuff in storage.Thatway if you don’t really want to live together when you get out of jail,Ican be out of your hair right away.
ButImeant whatIsaid.Ibelieve in you andI’mready to take our relationship to the next stage.Ifyou weren’t in jailI’dhave asked if we could move in together over a candlelit dinner.
I’min this relationship for the long haul, andI’llbe waiting for you when you get out.
Imiss you so much.
BTWyour trains are running fine, andIsee why you keep them going when you sleep – it’s very soothing.Youdon’t have to use the headphones anymore.Ilike it!
CHAPTER25
MALCOLM
JUNE
Ifucking hated waking up withoutFelixnext to me.Wehadn’t slept apart in over two weeks and apparentlyIwas addicted.
LastnightBrianandIhad driven toDallasafter work.We’dhad a very late dinner, soI’dplanned to hit the sack as soon as we got to the hotel.Butinstead of textingFelixa goodnight message,I’dcalled him.I’dused the excuse of finding out how he’d enjoyed game night, but the truth was,I’dmissed him.Wejerked off together then ended up staying on the phone talking until 1am.
Theclient meeting went well, andBriangot us back toAustinin time for me to make my appointment withLisa.She’dbeen out of town at a conference last week, so this was my first chance to update her sinceFelixandIhad left the ranch.Ispent a great deal of time talking aboutFelixand how wonderful he was, and howIwas trying to make sure he knew how muchIcared.
Itwasn’t until we were halfway through the session time thatIremembered. “Oh,Iforgot to tell you.Mysister came toAustinand we had coffee.”
Lisa’seyes grew round. “Wow.Howwas it?”
Itold her about what had triggeredEllieto reconnect with me.Lisaasked some probing questions about howIwas handling everythingElliehad disclosed about my parents and brother, but for the most part she seemed pleased.
Isaid, “Ellieand her family are coming up here for a visit soon, andItold herI’dbringFelixdown for the holidays.”
Lisasmiled at me. “That’sgreat,Malcolm.Anynightmares?”
Isat back in my chair. “Ihad one last week, but it wasn’t too bad.LastnightIdidn’t sleep so great, butIthink it was more becauseIwas in a hotel room and not at home withFelix.”
Lisa’seyelids did one slow blink.Inmy headIreplayed whatI’djust said.Well,Felixwas at home, so...?Theplace was even more of a home withFelixthere.
Lisawaited to see ifI’dfill in the silence, butIwas wise to her ways.Shecaved first. “Felixhas been staying with you since the bombing, right?”
Ikept myself relaxed and didn’t clench my fingers into the arms of the chair. “Yeah.Hewas uncomfortable staying in his apartment, even though they caught the bomber.”
“Areyou planning to make this a permanent arrangement?”
Ihesitated.Fuck. “Imean, maybe?Wehaven’t discussed it.I’mnot going to kick him out, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Andhow would you feel if he decided he wanted to go back to his apartment?”
Fuckingdevastated.
* * *
Theguy at the florist shop convinced me a bouquet of red and white camellias would represent the messageIwanted to convey toFelix.Iwasn’t sureFelixknew which flowers meant what, but they were pretty and at the very least he’d appreciate the gesture.
Iwalked in the laundry room door, andFelixcalled out from the kitchen, “Malcolm?”
“It’sme.Somethingsmells good.”Idumped my laptop bag on the washing machine and walked into the kitchen with the bouquet.Istopped dead.Felixwas waiting for me wearing nothing but a blue apron with white lettering sayingKisstheCook. “Holyshit,”Isaid.
