Page 1 of Head Over Feels
CHAPTER1
FELIX
JANUARY
Cole
Foundone looks promising but wants to know if ur into watersports
Notthe kind with skis
Ihad to read the texts twice.Shakingmy head,Ipushed the phone back behind my monitor with the tip of my pen.Acidreflux, my recently acquired companion, burned in my chest.
Irubbed my sternum and made somemm-hmmnoises as the older woman on my call ranted on about how incompetent theLevel1 support person had been. “Incompetent” obviously being code for “notAmerican”.Mostof the team inIndiahad vastly more technical know-how thanIdid, and they worked for less pay.Notto mention they had to deal with people like this woman.Ihad the utmost respect for all of them.
Iopened the top drawer of my desk to grab one of the many rolls of antacid tabletsI’dstarted stocking there.Mostpeople would assumeIneeded them because of my job, but angry customers were barely hitting my stress meter these days.
Haveyou ever made a stupendously bad decision?Idon’t mean an iffy decision like eating chicken that’s been in the fridge a little too long.
No,I’mtalking about abaddecision.Likeallowing a retired movie star who’d never used a dating app in his life to impersonate me on my account in order to find me the man of my dreams.
Ifyou ever have a movie star—or anyone, really—offer to do this for you, learn from my mistakes and just say no.
Thepain in my chest eased up by the time the woman slowed her tirade.Thedetailed notes from theLevel1 tech made it easy to bring the call to a close. “Ma’am,I’mso sorry the first person you spoke to was not able to correct your issue.Idon’t believe he had the service memo we only received in the last few minutes.Youdid say you had theModel8705, right?”
Aftershe confirmed,Iwent on. “Well, it seems we pushed out an update last night and theModel8705s have been a little touchy about accepting the update if your home experienced any sort of fluctuation in electrical power overnight.”
Atthe desk next to me,Steveleaned back in his chair to give me a thumbs up.Igrinned at him and kept going, “Doyou know if you had any rainstorms or issues with your power company in the last day or so?”
Thewoman was quiet for a moment before admitting there had been some light rain last evening.
“Thatmight be it then.Fortunatelyit’s an easy fix.CanIget you to unplug the machine and hit the reset button on your power outlet if it has one?”Stevecovered his mouth and, laughing, went back to his own work. “No, ma’am, it’s okay if it doesn’t have a reset button.”
Magically, the machine worked perfectly after it was plugged in properly.Anothersatisfied customer.
Hangingup,Imarked myself out for a break before another call could come through.Phoneclenched in my hand,Idashed out to my car.Thiswas not a conversationIwanted to have in public.
Heanswered on the second ring.
“Felix, hey.We’regetting some good responses.Ithink—”
“Cole, what did you do?”
“Whatdo you mean?”Hesounded genuinely confused.
“Noone on the appIchose wants to know aboutwatersports,”Isnarled.
Ifyou’d told me a month agoI’dbe comfortable reprimanding an uber-famous actor,Iprobably would’ve passed out.Butthat was beforeColegave me puppy dog eyes and talked me into his harebrained scheme.Andit was way beforeI’dlearned how muchColeneeded to be micromanaged.
“Soit’s a no on the watersports?”
“Fuckyes, it’s a no,Cole!Whatapp are you using?”
Sheepishlyhe admitted to copying my profile to a more, ahem, adventurous app.WhywasInot surprised?
Irubbed my chest. “Cole, that’s not whatIwanted orIagreed to.Youhave to take that profile down right now.Andthis experiment is over.Iknow you’re, uh, enthusiastic about finding me a guy, but it’s been two weeks and if you’re not getting the results you expected by now, it’s a sign it’s not meant to be.”He’dneed to find a different hobby.
“Aww,I’msorry,Felix.Iknow you didn’t want me to go on other apps.Butit’s just, the guys on the first one were so boring.Alldick pic this, dick pic that.Youdeserve better.”Myheart warmed slightly, and it wasn’t the acid reflux this time.Dangit,Ihated being such a soft touch.
