Page 78 of Perfect Composition
She swings her legs around and pushes to her feet. “I understand you came here for Austyn. I am thrilled to do anything I can to facilitate that after what my father…what he did.” She swallows with difficulty. “But the two of you have formed a bond. That’s terrific, that’s great. Why don’t you whisk her off to some fabulous destination for the holidays, and I’ll deal with the mess here. Then we can sit down after and…”
And the light dawns. “You’re punishing yourself. You’ve been doing it your whole life, punishing yourself for things you can’t control.”
“Where do you get these delusional ideas?”
“From Ethan. He filled in the gaps about why you would devote your life to a man who ruined yours,” I tell her bluntly.
Her face pales. “You don’t have the right to say these things to me. You left. You left! You left and never came back! And I’m the one who was whispered about. I’m the one who they talked about. And I’m the one whose child he called an abomination…” Her shoulders hunch, and she turns away.
My hands slam down on the keys, the furious clanging rising in the air between us.
“Beckett, whatever Ethan told you, he only knows part of it. You were right that first day we met. I was Princess Paige.” Her face, ravaged with tears, meets mine. “Ihadto be. If I wasn’t, I was remindedshegave up her life for me.”
“Fucking bastard,” I growl.
Paige starts to automatically protest, but her words die before she can give them voice. “Yes. He is. But he’s the only parent, only grandparent, left. And I confronted him, and this happened. I’m a doctor. I took an oath. Maybe to most those don’t mean much, but to me, promises, vows, and oaths are things you stand by. Your honor is at stake. And it’s my duty to make sure I do everything possible to ensure he’s well.”
Her words ping through my head.Promises, vows, and oaths are things you stand by.I catch her shoulders in my hands.
She tips her head back. God, she’s so beautiful it always made my heart ache to look at her. But now, knowing her father held her as responsible as my parents for her mother’s death, I feel shattered. Back then, she was ready to run with me—to write the words to a new life together.
And I broke the biggest one of all. I promised I’d take her with me when I left. I thought I knew better by leaving her, but I was so wrong. But despite the long road that led us back to where we started, we’re here now.
“I want to be here for you when your courage isn’t enough to get you past your fears,” I whisper hoarsely.
Her eyes drift shut. Her hands come up between us and rest on my chest. “I wish I could believe that.”
Then without another word, she turns and walks away, leaving me standing there making a silent vow to never leave her alone again.
She just doesn’t know it.
After dinner that night, the conversation between Paige and Austyn turns to what is going to happen if Tyson makes it out of the hospital. I take up residence at the piano and absently start playing.
“Can’t Gramps rehab at the house?”
Paige shrugs. “I don’t know, baby. It’s doubtful. He’s going to need round-the-clock treatment. And since he hasn’t been out of bed since surgery, his muscles have atrophied quite a bit. I’m thinking a medical rehabilitation facility is the best way to go, but Uncle Jess and I are discussing all of the options. A lot will depend on his mental state of mind as well.”
“Is it a question of money? You know Tyson can have whatever he needs,” I pipe in.
Both women turn to me in shock. Paige manages to regain her voice first. “Beckett, that’s incredibly generous of you, but…”
“No buts, Paige. He’s important to both of you.”
Her eyes narrow. “At the cost of what? A few moments alone to express your displeasure with his life choices?”
I shrug carelessly. “It wouldn’t be amiss.”
Paige slams her hand down on the arm of the sofa. “Damnit, Beckett, he needs rest.”
My fingers become more agitated on the keys. “He needs to own up for his decisions.”
Paige yells, “Don’t you think I know that? Of all of us, I’m the one who was berated by the damn bastard every single day I lived in that house.” Her voice drops. “‘Oh, don’t wear jeans that tight, Paigey. You’ll look like a tramp.’ Or how about ‘Why not an A? Your mother would have got an A. Too bad she isn’t alive to teach you. Guess you’ll just have to make do with your old man.’ Or my favorite. ‘Whoa. I don’t know nothin’ about that woman stuff. Here. Take some money and go down to the store to get whatever it is you girls need. Sweet Melissa, I know she didn’t have your problems with cramps and the like.’ So, if you think I don’t remember what it was like even before I told him I was pregnant, you’re so wrong. But love isn’t perfect. It can be filled with anger and hostility. It’s also riddled with patience and forgiveness. The heart has ways of finding its rhythm.”
Silence descends between the three of us.
“Do you think it’s just that way with a parent or with lovers too, Mama?” Austyn probes gently.
Paige’s lips part in shock. She tries to find the right words to answer Austyn. But I find them instead through song. One of my favorites by Imagine Dragons about not breaking and being let down comes out of me. If memories had title songs, this one would be mine and Paige’s.
