Page 81 of Perfect Order
I nod before hurrying toward Kris. I have to escape now, or I know I never will. I feel stunned over eight words and my name whispered in his husky voice. Why? We’ve talked so many times over the last few weeks. What is happening to me?
And for the first time since she died, I hear my sister laughing hysterically in my head. I begin cursing.
“Well, that was interesting,” Kris muses.
“I told you, I’ll be fine singing,” I throw off airily.
“I didn’t mean the singing.”
I growl just as we hit the door for costumes. “Later, Kris.”
He leans forward and whispers, “I’ve never known you to back down from something you want.”
I glance about and hiss, “You don’t knowme.”
His smile softens his hawkish features. “Don’t I? It’s amazing what you find out about people when they honor those they love.” Before I can respond, he saunters away, leaving me stunned, which is probably a good thing as they’re about to dress me in clothing my twin would wear onstage.
I close my eyes in mild fear.What happened to the matching outfits Mom used to dress us in?Bravely, I shove open the door to Costume.
I feel the heat of the spotlights as they clean burn through the simple white dress I’m wearing. I feel more exposed than when I overheard this is supposed to be the most-watched Grammys in years. Strumming Kylie’s guitar, I center myself. Out just beyond the lights are people who believe in me, us.
And it’s with the strength of those short-lived but strong friendships I’m able to read the teleprompter with the words I prepared and speak into the microphone as my sister. “A year ago, I was presented with the Best New Artist award.” When I was flying out, I remembered the words Kylie said to me, her excitement, what she believed. And those words echo from my mouth. “I knew this was it. This was the beginning of the rest of my life. And that night—” I swallow hard. “—I thanked my twin for always being there for me. So, tonight, I’d like to honor one of Recording Academy’s past Best New Artist winners, as well as my sister, by singing a song that eclipsed so many of the dreams we shared.”
As I begin strumming the notes to Norah Jones’s “Come Away With Me,” the people hustling around the dress rehearsal hush. Then my voice, Kylie’s voice, rips through the arena, lending passion and power to the words we whispered about in our bedroom so long ago. Words about taking the hand of love and disrupting life, no matter where we were, so long as we could grab hold to it.
My eyes drift to the wings where Kane stood just a few short hours ago. I feel his presence even if I can’t make him out. And the words of his text fill me up with the courage I need.
Sing with your voice. You have it inside you to do this, Crash. I believe in you.
Knowing he’s been a touchstone, that he understands the emotions I’m experiencing, the irony strikes me hard. In a roomful of strangers, I feel safe because a man of honor has been silently standing behind me offering me his strength, and no one but me is aware of it. My head falls forward as I pick out each note and sing.
When it’s over, I touch the fingers still holding Kylie’s pic to my heart, then my lips, before I raise it skyward.I love you, Lee. Always.
I stand, and the moment I do, I almost collapse under the force of the applause that is flung at me—and this is just a dress rehearsal. I absorb it so wherever Kylie is, she knows this is for her. Everything I’m doing is for her.
And without another word, I glide from the stage.
I can do this. In a few days, I can be my sister, prolonging the masquerade so we can find out who killed her. When I do, I hope like hell they suffer as much as I am, my family is, the people who loved her will.
Even then, it won’t be enough.
Kane
Conversation starter: When are you most vulnerable: morning, noon, or night? What causes it? Reminder, keep it PG rated! I donotwant to hear about your sex lives. Give me your emotions. You know what those are, right?
For those of you who need a refresher, Oxford’s definition is: e·mo·tion
- a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.
- instinctive or intuitive feeling as distinguished from reasoning or knowledge.
— Viego Martinez, Celebrity Blogger
I’m waiting for Leanne when she floats offstage barefoot. She’s dressed in a white maxi dress with shimmering sheer accents that were made opaque by the lights shining down on her. Her hair is in loose waves down her shoulders, artfully tangled.
She appears feminine, earthy, and strong. Yet, I know if Kylie were alive and standing right next to her, even dressed the same, I’d immediately be able to tell the difference between the two of them. She’s a protector, brave, and willing to do anything for those she loves. It calls to me on some elemental level. There’s something in the direct way she meets a challenge head-on. There’s a confidence that exudes from her when she sees something she wants.
And right now, her eyes aren’t hiding what that is.
