Page 4 of House of Darkness
I turned back to him. “Yes, sir?”
“Make sure to eat every meal. You’re looking a little thin, and we can’t have you losing those pretty curves before the tsar gets you.”
My skin crawled. I left before he could speak again, glancing over the railing at the windows flanking the front door below. That familiar tug in my chest made my heart ache. The door was right there, and I knew from experience it wasn’t even locked. A life of freedom lay just on the other side—a tempting lie. If I tried to escape, I would be captured immediately. There was no freedom for me, and that would never change. But it didn’t change my want for it.
Our dorm was a long room lined with small beds. Each had just enough space for a single nightstand and a small chest at the foot. It was after dinner and lessons, so most of the girls were here. Some huddled in the quiet corners between their beds, while others relished the rare moment of solitude. I shuffled past the rows toward the end, where my twin was already laying, her golden curls spilling across her pillow and gleaming in the torchlight.
Even among our kin, Solaris stood out. Light seemed to emanate from her as brightly as the chamberstick at her side, as though theworld had placed her on a pedestal and protected her from all things sinister. So unlike the darkness that trailed me wherever I went.
She held a book above her head—some whimsical romance novel, I was sure. Solaris had a weakness for anything fanciful. She was the only acolyte who managed to secure such books, as the librarians indulged her every request. She had that effect on people.
I stood in the small gap between our beds, quickly shedding my dress for my nightgown. There was no privacy here, so nudity was commonplace. I was sure it helped acclimate us to the inevitable nudity once we were sold. I grimaced as my hands brushed over my narrow hips.
Without looking up from her book, Solaris spoke, “You know, most girls around here would consider it an honor to be chosen by the tsar.”
“Well, I guess I’m not most girls,” I retorted, reaching under my bed to feel for the cardboard box with my sewing supplies. Solaris had convinced the family seamstress to part with some of her cheaper fabrics and tools for our birthday a few years back. She had always been the one to celebrate our birthday, cheering the start of spring and growing older together. She even managed to sneak cake and treats from the kitchen. I had never cared much for such frivolities, but I cherished this gift.
I was halfway done with the bodice of a hideous chartreuse dress, scratchy against my skin, but I didn’t care how wretched it was. Creating something with my own hands made me feel human.
Solaris watched with vague fascination as I unpinned my needle and began to work. “At least you’ll be leaving soon, like you always wanted.”
“It’s just moving from one cage to another,” I muttered.
She sighed in exasperation and sat up. Tucking a scrap of fabricinto her book, she set it aside. “You’re always so negative. You know that’s why things are harder for you, right? You choose to make them hard.”
I scowled. “I don’t know if you’ve looked around, but we don’t get to choose anything.”
She rolled her eyes, flipping her curls over her shoulder. “You told me he asked if he should buy you. Sounds like a choice to me.”
I shot her an incredulous look, mostly because she was right. I had been given more choice than almost any acolyte ever. I laid my project in my lap. “It should be better than here, right?”
She grinned at my rare display of optimism, which only she could draw out. “It will. I bet he lives in a grand castle with servants, and he’ll give you anything you want. I heard he doesn’t have any other acolytes, so you’ll get all his attention! Just think, you’ll probably be raising the next tsar!” Her eyes sparkled with that glassy look that appeared only when she was lost in daydreams. She even started humming happily.
I made a retching sound, snapping her out of her fantasy. She immediately scowled. “What, now you don’t want to be a mother?”
“To little bloodsucking babies? Absolutely not.”
She glared for a moment before returning to her daydream. “There’s nothing in the world that would be as magical.”
I sighed, my shoulders going slack, and my face softening. She clearly lived in a different world than I did. It was hard to crush her spirit when she wore that hopeful expression though. I waited for her to come back to earth before I spoke again, my hands picking up my project just to keep busy.
“Well, I hope you get that, then.”
I truly did. She danced through life in a layer of sunlight that evaded me, having been the sliver of joy in this pit of hell my entirelife. My pillar in the storm. Although the way she managed to remain immune to all the darkness I was drowning in made me green with envy, I only wanted the best for my twin.
Her lips pursed. “Why’d you say yes, then?”
My lips pursed. I had been asking myself that same question since last night. I wanted to chalk it up to a temporary lapse in sanity, but I’d be lying. Instead, I had been swept into a daydream much like my sister. His touch had been so gentle, unlike anything I had ever felt. Part of me yearned to sink into that touch as much as I wanted to bask in his charming words.
It was foolish, really. He was likely putting on a front, trying to lower my defenses. The terrifying part was how quickly I had fallen for it. There was no world where the tsar saw me as anything other than an object to be used, regardless of how much I wanted otherwise. My sister was wrong, this was not like her fairytales.
I refocused on my sister, considering her question
“He was charming,” I said with a brief grin, knowing what would send her into a tizzy. Regardless of my own feelings, I could never darken her shine. She didn’t deserve my negativity. “He told me, ‘Your laugh could bring a man to his knees.’” I said, dropping my voice and puffing my chest in faux suave arrogance.
She squealed loudly enough to draw attention. “I told you! You’re so lucky, oh my gosh! And he’s handsome too. You’re going to live the dream.”
Her eyes glazed over again, so when I spoke, I knew I was mostly talking to myself. “Maybe it won’t be so bad.”
