Page 44 of House of Darkness
Catina waved her hand dismissively. “I didn’t mean anything by it, sweetheart. It’s just… don’t your extracurriculars involve less adventures by the sea and more adventures in a bed?”
“Catina!” Isabella barked incredulously, standing and placing herhands on her hips, intentionally putting space between herself and the vampiress.
“Oh come on Bells, you know I didn’t mean anything by it?—”
Estrella stood as well, bracing herself on the table and shooting daggers at Catina with her glare. “It sounds like you meant exactly what you said. That you’d think so little of me and you don’t even know me, that you’d think so little ofyour tsar?—”
“Why do you think he brought you here, little acolyte? For your charming personality? You and I both know there’s only one reason a vampire buys an acolyte.”
“Catina, shut up,” Sorin hissed.
“No! We need to have this conversation.” Catina now stood as well, crossing her arms. Her eyes were glued on Estrella, as though the rest of the table didn’t matter.
My fists clenched and unclenched, and I had to set down my glass to keep from breaking it. How could she possibly dare to insinuate that I could—would—after everything, I couldn’t understand. I could never hurt Estrella, and she should know that. I gulped down that pain that felt an awful lot like being stabbed in the chest. A feeling I knew well.
“Fine, Cat, let’s have this conversation. You know damn well that we brought Estrella here to get her out of that system, not to perpetuate it.” I spoke slowly, gritting my teeth to keep my tone level.
Her attention turned to me, her eyes narrowed. “You brought a human girl to live in a house of vampires. How long do you think it’ll take before you kill her, Roman? You say your intentions are noble, yet I can see the way you look at her. I cansmellyou on her,” she snarled, hurling each word like a projectile.
“I—” My voice caught in my throat. Visions of Leonidas flashed in my head, his sickly sweet smile toward the acolytes he brought in.The little sliver of hope in their eyes that dissipated the moment he touched them—the moment he forced me to touch them. There was no goodness in my heart, not after all the blackness that had stained it. Catina was right; I was evil. I would hurt her, no matter how hard I tried not to. Just like I broke everything I touched. I was grateful for the lump in my throat, without it, I would have screamed.
“You’re wrong, he would never hurt me!” Estrella’s voice cut through the suffocating darkness, forcing my mind back to the present.
I gaped at Estrella. Despite everything, she was defending me, the resolve in her eyes and tension in her jaw showing she believed what she said. She trusted me, and I would do anything to deserve that faith.
Catina’s expression settled into a smirk. “Looks like he already has his hooks in you, girl.”
A single tear escaped Estrella’s eyes, glimmering in the soft light. Each inch of progress it made down her cheek felt like nails raking down my chest. I watched in mute horror as she spun—her hair fanning over her shoulders in the soft halo of an angel—and escaped the room without another word.
I whirled on Catina, rage bubbling over. “How dare you?”
“What, you’re going to tell me I’m wrong?” Catina hissed.
“You can have a problem with me, but she didn’t deserve that!”
Razvan stood, a mix of frustration and disappointment on his face. “Arguing isn’t going to solve anything. Roman, you should be checking on Estrella. But I guess I will instead.”
I bit back a sharp retort and watched Razvan leave. His rare display of disapproval cut deeply. I flexed my fingers on the table, cursing silently when a chunk of wood broke off in my grasp. Now I’d have to fucking repair it.
Catina’s gaze flicked to the broken wood, then back to me, hersmirk widening. “Good boy, Roman. Let’s see that temper.”
“Stop, Catina!” Isabella snapped.
“No! Not until he admits it. She will never be safe here, Roman, and you know it! She’ll be forced to live at your every whim to protect herself from your temper. One wrong move, and she’s in the same boat as your mother. Like all acolytes, she’ll be at your mercy. Is that fair to her, Your Highness?”
Each word was a knife to my heart. She was right, monster was my default. Estrella would never be safe with me.
“You’re right.”
I gritted my teeth, the self-loathing threatening to consume me. There it was—the truth I’d avoided. I didn’t deserve her because of what I was, what I had done. “Is that what you wanted, Catina? For me to admit I want her but shouldn’t because I’m a monster? Are you happy now?”
I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat almost choking me. My father had always said I was too emotional, more prone to outbursts than he was. Maybe I was worse—at least he never pretended to be anything but a monster. “I know, but you don’t get to take this out on her. None of this is her fault, and she didn’t deserve what you just said.”
I shouldered past Catina. Behind me, the sound of bickering continued, but I ignored it. I’d deal with the fallout of my actions later—the mess I always left in my wake.
My feet led me to my sanctuary: my shop. I barely felt the cold bite of the lock as I unlatched it and stepped inside. I managed to close the door before unleashing my power. Blackness erupted like a bomb, slamming into the walls and sending hanging pieces crashing down. The room held, after all, I had built it to withstand me.
I took a deep breath, trying to regain some control. I found thepile of logs in the corner and set one on my chopping block, grabbed my splitting maul from where it had fallen, and focused on the heave of the tool and the jarring impact as the blade struck its target, rather than the throbbing in my head. The wood shattered. I threw the biggest pieces into the pile and grabbed another.
