Page 54 of House of Darkness
I grabbed my pants and stepped into them before walking toward the door. “Roman, I?—”
I turned to look back at her one last time—a fucking goddess sitting in the glow of the late morning light, the sun transforming her starlit hair into a halo framing her perfect face. Pain twisted her features, pain I never wanted to inflict. “It’s okay, doll. It’s not your fault; it’s mine.” My jaw clenched as I swallowed whatever threatened to rise in my throat. “It’s okay.”
Then I walked out the door, taking my darkness with me.
Chapter 27
ESTRELLA
Why hadn’t I said anything?
Roman had poured his heart out to me, andI just sat there.His pained expression haunted me every time I closed my eyes. Wrapped in bedsheets still ruffled from his presence, I felt suffocated. I dressed quickly and escaped to the garden. I looked for him on my journey, but it was as if he had vanished. I couldn’t blame him.
Why hadn’t I said anything?
The easy answer would be that I didn’t feel the same way, but I knew that was a lie. I had known even before we made love. Somewhere along the way, I had developed feelings for the tsar.So why hadn’t I said anything?Why had I let him walk away, that unbearable pain in his eyes after I had allowed him to believe his feelings were unrequited?
I knew the reason. I was scared—terrified, actually. Those words meant I would never be free. It wouldn’t matter if I was willing; I would still be a slave, his doll and nothing more. I couldn’t give up the freedom I was fighting for, not even if I loved Roman.
Before me stood the stone wall where he had pinned me the night before. It seemed so long ago now. Without him around, there was a gaping hole in the pit of my stomach, one I hadn’t realized his presencehad filled. I wiped a tear from my eye. I didn’t deserve to cry—not after I had chosen this.
I had chosen this.
I needed to accept it. A life of freedom likely meant a life alone too. When I had lived at the academy, that prospect hadn’t seemed so daunting, but now it felt like a death sentence to imagine not having my new family around. That would be the price of freedom, and if I wasn’t willing to pay, did I truly deserve to be free?
Just as I grappled with these thoughts, Isabella entered the garden. Her soft lilac aura brushed against me like the embrace of an old friend. I offered her a half-hearted smile. She looked a little worse for wear after what was surely a long night, but she was still lovely in her apron dress. It was comforting to see her, maybe her presence would make me feel less alone.
“It’s good to see you, dear,” she said kindly. I returned her smile, though it felt fragile.
“You too, Bells.” My voice cracked slightly, and she pursed her lips, concern flickering in her eyes.
She rested a hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. “There’s someone here for you.”
My heart skipped a beat at the thought that it might be Roman, but I quickly squashed the idea. This was his house; he wouldn’t wait for me like some lovesick suitor from the books Solaris read. I frowned. “Who?”
“A vampiress named Iliya. She said you were expecting her.”
Iliya had mentioned coming after the full moon, but I hadn’t realized it would be so soon. I sprang to my feet, heading for the door in an instant. This was what I had sacrificed for—the chance at freedom. I would make the most of it.
Iliya stood at the front door, a flowered suitcase in hand. Shewas a vision of brightness and gilded beauty, wrapped in a big pink dress adorned with bows and flowers. As she scurried through the threshold, she enveloped me in a tight hug I hadn’t realized I needed.
“It’s so good to see ya!”
“You too, Iliya,” I breathed, excitement bubbling up as I hugged her back, lingering just a moment longer than necessary. She didn’t seem to mind.
“I am soooo excited to have this dress made! I hope I’m not putting you out by staying?”
It wasn’t exactly something I could answer. I glanced at Isabella, who stood at my shoulder. Her smile was genuine as she responded. “Not at all! I’ll throw a room together next to Estrella’s. We so rarely get guests, so this will be a treat!”
“Awe, thank you! You said your name was Isabella, right? I’ll remember, I promise!” Iliya grinned, her smile so wide her eyes nearly closed. “Is His Majesty here? I’d like to thank him for allowing me to stay.”
My heart plummeted. “He’s… not currently here.”
Iliya picked up on my hesitation as easily as a shark scents blood. Her eyebrows furrowed with concern. “Is everything alright? If this isn’t a good time, I can always come back. It really isn’t a big deal…”
“No, no, everything is fine! I’m excited to have you here.” To prove my point, I grabbed her suitcase, which was heavier than it appeared, and began to lug it inside. Bells chuckled and took it from me before I could tweak my back.
“I’ll ensure her room is sorted. Estrella, why don’t you take Iliya to the garden for tea time? I’ll have tea brought out.”
