The word comes out sounding like“cawtoon”.
“Yeah? Can I watch with you?”
“Yes! Watch cartoon.”
I sit next to Raven and she folds her handsin her lap, keeping her eyes on the TV.
“Hello, Raven.”
“Hello.”
“Unca, I like Waben,” Mikey whispers.
“Yeah? I don’t blame you, little guy.”
He sticks his thumb in his mouth and givesthe TV his attention.
“Why have you been avoiding me?” I confronther.
“I haven’t. I’ve just been busy.”
“Is that why you can’t look at me?”
“Of course not. I’m watching TV.”
“If you say so.”
We sit quietly for a while. I watch theimages on the screen, not really paying attention. My entire beingis attuned to her; I can’t focus on anything else. She finallyturns her head but not to look at me.
“He’s asleep. You should go put him down,”she says.
I take him upstairs and gently place him inhis crib then turn on the baby monitor. He looks so much likeEddie. It’s all my fault that he’ll grow up without his father. Hisis the only death I’ve ever felt guilty about. Mikey may not havehis father, but I’ll be damned if I won’t be the strong, male rolemodel he’ll need. I kiss his forehead and head downstairs. I findRaven in the kitchen with a bottle of Advil.
“Are you sick?”
“¡Dios! Why do you keep sneaking up onme?”
“Answer me.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Then why are you taking pain pills?”
“Honestly, Gage…there are things that a womanjust doesn’t need to explain.”
“Is it your period?”
“Thatis one of them.”
She walks past me, and I follow her back tothe living room. She picks up the remote and starts flippingthrough the channels.
“When did it start?”
She mumbles in Spanish but doesn’t answer myquestion. “Well?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“You’re my business.”