“What?” I finally ask when I can’t figure out what’s going on.
He takes my hand, pushing my fingers against the side of my breast.
That’s when I feel it.
The lump.
***Einstein***
I’ve been in this situation before. It’s what I spent years studying and training for. Had this been anyone else, I’d know exactly what to do and say. However, this isn’t anyone else. This is Ellen.MyEllen. The look in her eyes has me frozen to the spot, at a total loss for words.
Fear. She’s screaming it without even opening her mouth.
“Jon?” Her lips tremble, tears beginning to form in her eyes.
Come on, Emerson. Get your ass in gear.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I take her hand in mine. She sits up, her eyes frantically roving my face.
“I know you’re frightened, but try not to freak out, okay?”
“But… what does it mean?”
“I won’t know until we run some tests. I have a friend at Emmanuel. He’s the best surgical oncologist in the country. I’ll call him in the morning and get you set up with an appointment to see him.”
“Oh, God.”
Her hands shake in my hold and she begins to hyperventilate.
“Babe, it could be nothing. We need to stay calm until we—”
“We?I’m the one with the fucking lump in my breast!”
She drags her hand from my hold, jumping out of bed and pacing the floor as she palms the offending breast. I know she’s out of her mind with fear if she’s cursing.
“Ellen, let’s talk to Darren first. It could be benign.”
“But it could also be fucking cancer!”
I cringe at the C-word. Memories of my mother flood my brain—finding out she was sick, watching her go through chemo, looking closer to death’s door with each day. I felt so helpless. It’s the whole reason I chose this career, so I wouldn’t have that feeling again. So I could help. Here I am, all these years later, and I feel as useless as I did when I was ten.
I slide my fingers through my hair, grabbing two handfuls and yanking on them.
“Oh, God, Jon… Mikey.”
I look up just in time to see her knees buckle, falling to the floor before I can catch her. Quickly moving to her side, I pick her up, taking her back to the bed. Tucking her into my side, I wrap my arms around her tightly. Sobs rack her body, intensifying the tremors already running through her.
“Mikey will always be taken care of, but you don’t need to worry. He’ll have his mother to take care of him. Nothing’s going to happen to you, Ellen.Nothing.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I won’t let it.”
CHAPTER 14
***Ellen***
The doctor is still talking, but I stopped listening a long time ago. He did the same thing Jon did—try to appease me by saying it could be benign. What he didn’t say is that it might not be. When asked about the alternative, he told me to wait for the test results.