Page 80 of Renascence
I like having Emily around.
I like having her in my bed, her scent on my pillows.
I like having her in my kitchen, cooking for me.
I definitely like fucking her.
And fuck if I didn’t like holding her as she slept last night.
She may not think so now, but she’s going to want more. Women are emotional creatures. Even the hardest ones eventually yearn for companionship. To settle down. I can’t give her that. I know I should break things off before it’s too late, but I can’t do that, either. I want her too much.
She bought the whole story about my parents, and while that’s part of it, it’s not the real reason I don’t want an old lady. Men like us rarely get a happily ever after. How can I be with someone like Emily, someone good and sweet, knowing she’d be in danger by just being with me? Look what happened with Raven and Ellen. I can’t put her through that.
I won’t.
I puff on my cigar, contemplating what I’m going to do. Fuck. Why didn’t I stay away from her? I wouldn’t be in this predicament right now.
The clubhouse door opens and I glance up to see Gage and Einstein walking in. They stop briefly at the pool table, Einstein leaving the others and joining me on the couch.
“You okay, man?”
“Yeah. Just thinking.”
“About Emily?”
I turn in his direction with a raised brow. He’s famous around here for his “talks,” but it’s been a while since he had one with me.
“You brought her here, brother. I know that’s a big step for you. What’s going on?”
“I don’t know. Things are good. We have… an arrangement. I just think she’s heading in a direction I don’t want to go in.”
“Do you like her? Other than the sex?”
“Yeah.”
“Then what’s the issue?” he asks.
“I don’t want her getting hurt, or worse, because of me.”
“I see. It’s about what happened to the girls.”
I nod, relieved he understands.
“Here’s what I think. Emily needs to make that decision for herself. Don’t push her away because you think she can’t handle the life. Raven and Ellen are still here, and they’re happy. I’m happy. Look at Gage.” He jerks his head in his friend’s direction. “Have you ever seen him happier?”
“No.”
“She seems smart, although I can’t figure out why she chose you—” I punch him on the arm before he can continue. “Hey!” he protests.
“Sheissmart.”
“Then give her the facts so she can make aninformeddecision.”
I lean back on the couch, taking a drag of my cigar and mulling over his words. He could be right. Do I let Emily decide, or do I make the choice for her? Regardless of what I do, can I take the chance? If I let her go, I could regret it for the rest of my life. If I don’t, can I protect her?
“What are you two females whispering about?” Gage asks, grabbing a chair and turning it backward to straddle it.
“Let me ask you something. If you’d somehow known what was going to happen to Raven, would you have left her alone if it meant saving her from it?”
