Page 54 of Tethered Souls
I roll my eyes at his correction of my terminology. Vulva just doesn’t sound as fun to say.
“They’ll be too busy trying to figure out if you’re doing a penguin impression or if you’ve received a lobotomy.”
“Fuck off.”
“Walk properly, Micha.”
Inhaling sharply, I take a step forward that feels like I’m jumping across the damn moon. His laughter increases, a soft melody given the low volume of the phone. “Not quite regular, but at least it isn’t a waddle,” he says. “Just walk. Don’t think about it.”
I pace around the bathroom, my gait still awkward as all hel. “I can’t stop thinking about it, Dayne. Look at me. This dress is ridiculous. I kid you not, I just spent an hour on the toilet so I could make sure I wouldn’t have to take a shit at the party. I wipe well. I know I wipe well. I check every time, but I’m still worried people will see shit or something stuck to me if I go in this thing.”
My face heats in horror at the idea.
He, on the other hand, laughs his ass off.
“Stop laughing at me!”
He does not.
It doesn’t even wane.
A slow smile spreads across my lips as I watch him howl. Tears fall down his cheeks, and it takes him a few moments before he calms down enough to wipe them away. “Why’d you even buy that one if you’re that worried about it?”
My cheeks heat as I glance away from the eyes that can read me so well. I shrug. “Not for the party. Just to, like, hide in my closet.”
“You brought it to play hide and seek with Varius?” he teases.
“No!” I groan. “Maybe. I don’t fucking know. It’s just… there’s thispullto him. Like...I want to maybe try to make this work?” A burning heat creeps down my neck. “Is that dumb? I mean it’s Varius fucking Shadow. He’s a monster.” I wave at the phone. “You’ve heard the stories. He sentences kids to die.”
“Does he?”
I stare at him. “Of course he does. Everyone knows it doesn’t matter how old you are. You cross him, and you’re dead.”
He looks at me pointedly, silently communicating that the stories surrounding us are just as bad.
“That’s different.”
“You don’t know it is.”
I snort. “Come on, it’sVarius. The guy practically oozes ‘I will kill your entire family and your puppies.’” I snap my fingers as I properly get into my pacing now. “He said if anyone looked at me, he’d cut out their eyes! And the eyes of their family. And friends. That includes babies. The man’s A-okay with blinding babies.”
He gives me a you’re-being-dramatic-again look.
“And he told me himself he’ll never love me. Not that I want him to love me – Not that I’m ever going to love him. I couldn’t. But like...I don’t know. Maybe we can have one of those content marriages? Where it’s not fully cold on both sides? Where he doesn’t skip the whole divorce thing and murder me instead when he finally gets tired of me?”
He stills. “Are you worried about that?”
“Uh, yeah!” Seeing the sharpness of his eyes, I shake my head. “Well, no. Not at the moment. But itcouldhappen. Dayne, I’m just a womb. There’s no safety net in that.”
“But you think getting him to what, fall in love with you will?”
I don’t say anything.
His eyes soften. “Micha...a man like Varius, even if he did fall in love with you...that might honestly be worse. If you didanythingto make him mistrust you, he’d punish you harder for not just turning against him but hurting him. I wouldn’t advise it.”
“But…” I swallow down the words even as they slam into me, triggered by his. A truth I can no longer pretend doesn’t exist. About how my heart aches for him. How the cold mafia boss sometimes reminds me of the kids we save. The ones with their backs to the world. Their fists up. Their hearts locked away so no one they love can ever hurt them again. How sometimes Varius makes me feel like I’m all that matters. How he makes me feel...whole. Like I was missing this giant fucking piece of myself and that piece was him.
“Yes?” Dayne prompts softly.
