Page 131 of Jagged Souls
My stomach churns as the bitter taste of shit drags itself out of my memories and across my tongue.
Beingstronggot medisfiguring the face of a little girl on my first mission as an assassin. Her screams still haunt my sleep, and her trauma’s tattooed on the back of my hand.
Beingstronggot me married to Varius. Got me tortured by him and then broken by his next betrayal.
Beingstronggot me kidnapped because I didn’t hide in the basement and let Sau and her monsters handle it all on her own.
Beingstronggot my eyes ripped out.
My throat burns from unshed tears.
Beingstrongkilled my little girl.
So perhaps it is time to be weak.
To take the easier path…
The next time Bear comes to feed me, I beg him for some V.
“I can’t,” Bear says, his voice strained as I cry without shame. I know it’s hurting him to see me like this, so I let it all out. Use it to manipulate him. He’s a good guy, the only one who hasn’t raped me, but he’s also afraid of Antonio.
“Please… you have to. The baby…” My throat tightens as I think about thatthinginside of me, the thought of helping it survive. But the pain is just too much, and I know there is only one way to escape this hel.
Now that I know Dayne is alive, I won’t risk using dark magic to kill myself. It might take him as the sacrifice, and that is one loss I cannot bear.
I hate myself for thinking Lou would be an acceptable payment… Simply because she’s pregnant when I am not; I aminfested. That cruelty burns itself into my soul, changing me into something I’ll never come back from.
The pain increases.
My need to escape it becomes unbearable.
“Please,” I sob. “It’ll help with the stress. Antonio wants the baby... to live, right?” I cry harder, hating the idea of giving birth to thisthing. “It won’t make it without the V.”
“The risk –” he starts, but I don’t let him continue. Can’t let him talk himself out of helping me again.
“Is less than Tim and Eduardo raping me.”
“What?” he breathes, so much horror and terror wrapped up in that single word. The empathy…
And the knowledge that he can’t do anything to stop it.
“They’re not supposed to fuck you.” His voice shakes. “I can tell Antonio. I can get them to stop.”
I shake my head, crying louder. That’s not what I want. I want the V. What Sadist and the healer are doing to me are nothing compared to feeling thisthinginside of me. I don’t want to feel it anymore. I don’t want to be aware of it at all. I need the V.
“You know it’ll be too late,” I say. Antonio hasn’t been back on the yacht since I got pregnant. Aleric and Varius have been keeping him busy by hunting down the last of his connections. He’s running out of funds and allies – his bank accounts being closed or emptied, his associates changing to the winning team. With him scrambling to solidify what he can in terms of money and resources, no one knows when he’ll be back.
Eduardo gives me a ‘health check’ once a week and fills him in on my status. That’s when he takes the time to sew me up and rape me, then heal me so no one will know.
Sadist fucks me at night, when the others are asleep. I’ve been crying and screaming at all hours, so no one’s noticed when he’s on me. And considering he pisses and shits on me for kicks and giggles throughout the day, no one can tell that the smell he leaves on me isn’t just from that either.
“They’ll keep raping me until you give me V,” I say. The stress of what they’re doing to me is nothing compared to the knowledge that it’s not Rafiki growing inside me. Notmygirl. Not a wanted child.
And while I’m in this much agony, I’m more desirable to Eduardo and Sadist. They won’t be able to stop themselves even if they’re punished for this, not while Antonio is away. When he isn’t here to keep them in line.
“No,” Bear says, denial in his tone. “No, stress doesn’t cause a miscarriage.”
“Itdoes.”
