Page 253 of Jagged Souls
“Except for Talon,” Enoch cuts in. His twin hits him on the shoulder.
“Fucking hel,” Ezriel says with a shake of his head. “Read the fucking room.”
“Sor-arwawar. It just slipped out.” I stare at him, a smile pulling at my lips at his ‘correction’ despite the pain in my chest. Dayne would have said something similar –gallows humor being one of his favorites– and the last remnant of his soul buries into mine.
Swallowing hard, I look at Sau. “Thank you for saving me,” I say.
“Then don’t waste it.” She turns to leave. “Go to fucking therapy.”
It takes me a while to feel emotionally strong enough to bare my soul to Maddox, but seven weeks later, I’m in his room, on his couch. Varius hasn’t been to see his son –I still can’t think of it as mine– because he’s ‘given his loyalty’ to me, but I know how much he wants to see him. I might have given the kid up, but it isn’t fair to force him to do the same.
“So what do we talk about?” I ask.
“Whatever you want.”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“Okay then.”
He doesn’t say a word for over half an hour. I blow out a breath, getting bored and irritated with how patient he’s being. “You’re really not going to say anything?”
“Not if you don’t want me to.”
“Then why am I here?”
“You tell me.”
“You said you could fix me.”
“Therapy isn’t magic. The only person who can fix you is you.”
I start to open my mouth to say this is stupid, but he cuts in.
“But what do you think needs fixing?”
“What do I think –” I clench my teeth together. I don’t know why I’m feeling so combative with him. I like him. He makes me laugh, and he reminds me of Dayne.
“Does the anger you have bother you?”
It bothers me that he can read my mind. “No,” I snap.
A flicker of a smile twists his lips and lights up his eyes. “Because it’s understandable that you’re angry.”
I glare at him. “No, it’s not.”
“It is.” He’s completely serious now. “Because you were punished for being defiant. So you are testing us to see how we will punish you. You’re still in survivor mode, banging against the parameters of your cage to see where it’s faulty.” He leans forward. “But you are safe here, Micha. You can let that part of you go.”
I glance away, unable to handle what he’s saying because what if I let go, and there’s nothing that remains? Then all I’ll be is a victim.
My throat works hard as the silence stretches between us. But his patience eventually gives me the chance to give voice to my fears.
“I don’t want to be a victim,” I say. “And if I let myself believe it’s over, that’s all I’ll ever be.”
“You’re not a victim, Micha. You’re a survivor.”
“A survivor?” I rasp in disbelief, my head whipping to him, sudden fury building in my chest. “Asurvivor!”I yell, my rage spitting free. At him, at the world. At fuckingme. I beat a hand against my chest. “What part of mesurvived,Maddox?”
I jump to my feet, incapable of sitting still. “I can’t even look at myreflection! I can’t eat. I can’t breathe. I cut open my fucking stomach because I couldn’t –”
