Page 36 of OMG Christmas Tree
“And Dad was fine with it. Dad...” I hated this part but it made more sense to say it. “He died the year I moved out. He hadn’t been feeling great for a while, but he had a history of health problems. Nothing major, at least not that I thought. High cholesterol, high blood pressure, pre-diabetic. All stuff he worked on controlling with diet and medication and all that. My mom’s a nurse—was a nurse. She retired early. She was always on him about appointments. I think sometimes he told her he went but didn’t go.” I covered my mouth, in shock the words fell out. “I shouldn’t have said that. I love my Dad. I’m sure he... I mean, I don’t have proof he didn’t go to his check-ups.”
Nick drew closer. “What happened?”
“Heart attack. As basic as it comes. Nothing fancy. A standard heart attack.”
“Megan. I’m so sorry.”
The hurt washed over me again. Not as intense as the first years, but still enough to remind me how much losing him wrecked me. Dad believed in my dream to live in the city and explore life. I didn’t have career goals like my brother and every other ultra-achieving high school graduate in my class. My list of state school acceptances wasn’t exactly impressive. Dad assured me that was okay. He’d rather I live my life the way I wanted, so long as I worked hard and took responsibility for my actions.
When Dad died, it was like that validation left with him. What remained were shortcomings and forgotten dreams. Explore life? I barely did anything except work and hang out after my shifts at the cafe with my coworkers or a few regulars. My bank account didn’t leave many options for exploration. I shouldn’t have left home. I should have stayed and made sure Dad attended his doctor appointments. At least I’d have finished a two-year degree. At least. At least that.
“Diseases don’t have to be fancy to hurt or change our lives,” Nick said softly. “Cancer is basic too.”
“Nick. Ignore me, please. You and your family are going through so much with your mom right now and here I am whining about my dad who’s been gone for four years.”
“It’s not a contest.” He moved a strand of hair from my eyes. “No wonder it’s hard to see your mom remarry.”
“Right?” I appreciated the validation. “I could never say that to her.”
“Maybe in different words. You could tell her what you’re having trouble with. If she doesn’t know.”
“She wants me to go back to school. She even suggested it again last night when we were decorating the tree.” I scrunched my face. “She and Stu would pay for it.”
Nick clenched his jaw. His mouth twisted and he coughed. He was covering up...a laugh.
“What? What are you not saying?”
“Nothing. It’s not appropriate.”
The bar door opened. A large man in light-up deer antlers stumbled out. Another man steered him toward the passenger seat of a red car with plastic antlers attached to the roof.
“What were you saying about appropriate?” I asked.
“Okay, fine. You called me spoiled and you’re complaining about your parents wanting to pay for college.”
“Agree. That sounds textbook spoiled. But you don’t have the full story. I need to prove myself. I need to show them I can make it without their help.”
Nick scratched his chin. “Why again?”
“Because otherwise I did it for nothing. I moved away and left Dad for no reason.” My confession burst free, permeating the air and hardening into ice. Solid and definitive, I couldn’t take it back. I wanted to shatter it to pieces.
“Megan. You can’t believe that.”
I did. I believed exactly that.
“It’s not fair to believe it,” he went on. “If you don’t want to finish college, that’s one thing. But refusing help because you feel guilty for leaving home can’t be good for you or your relationship with your parents.”
“You keep saying parents plural. It’s mom and Stu.”
“Stu Krueger. Great guy.”
Embers smoldered inside me. “I thought we came out here to talk about you.”
Nick studied my face, setting me further on edge. “I didn’t know you were hurting this much.”
I was best at that. Not letting people know.
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