Page 62 of Miss Humbug
Sure, I could move home, but none of my family would ever take me seriously. To them, the idea of me inheriting the Hollybrooke House had been a punchline. To a pretty unfunny joke, if you asked me.
“Marlowe—” Ethan started.
I shook my head, willing my voice to remain calm. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” For leading him into this deal. For promising too much. For letting myself dream of more. “Maybe you should go.”
Ethan returned a neutral expression. Was he hurt? Shocked? Worried? I couldn’t decipher. He certainly wasn’t shaking with rage. “How about I’ll text you later.”
Texting, just like old times. Just like our new times. Back to usual.
No. We couldn’t go back to usual. We’d risked our actual feelings and emotions in this ludicrous arrangement, not thinking whether we’d fail. I should give him an easy out. When the house and land went to another Holly, I couldn’t imagine he’d want to stick around.
“Why bother?” I ground out. “It’s not like there’s any competition left.”
His eyes softened. “You need space. I get it.”
My chest ached. I didn’t want him to go, but this was too humiliating. I didn’t fit here. I’d ruined his plans. I needed ten minutes of dark solace in my closet and then I could regroup and properly freak out for real.
Ethan walked toward the door. I waited for him to turn around. To close the gap between us in two big, determined steps and sweep me off my feet. To say this whole thing would be a tiny blip in our memories someday. To say to heck with the house and the land and our families. Onlywemattered. Us. Together.
But he didn’t say those things and he didn’t turn back. Without another word, Ethan left, just as I’d asked. I watched him from the bay window as he crossed the backyard, down the hill, and out to the tree farm in the distance.
The mood remained sour when we showed up to the town square warmly bundled for a night of caroling. It was ridiculous to think any of us could spread vocal holiday cheer in this state of mind.
Honestly, I was surprised we were allowed in. No gates closed off the square but our family had real nerve showing up after knocking down revered religious iconography. Inflatable or not.
The family mingled in separate groups, keeping to themselves. I hung out with the children, which cemented my place at the proverbial kids’ table.
Grans hadn’t arrived yet. This was her whole deal and she couldn’t be bothered to show up on time. Even Uncle Joe and Aunt Sunny made their appearance with bells on. They wore actual jingle bells around their necks. And to think, I’d been close to maybe actually not hating Christmas. Even with snow gently dusting the ground and delicately clinging to tree branches, I couldn’t muster any holiday joy.
Rafe scoffed loudly. “What’shedoing here?”
Ethan appeared beside me. “Supporting my girlfriend.”
I did a double take. Literally, I looked away and back again. His physical body did not disappear. “You don’t have to pretend anymore.”
Ethan didn’t flinch. “Unless you tell me right now you want me to leave, and that what has happened between us meant nothing, I’m not going anywhere.”
Absolutely nothing inside me argued otherwise. Ethan, oddly, remained the constant here, while everything else—job, family, living situation—was in flux.
I’d assumed the worst, but he showed up anyway. And he called me hisgirlfriend. I could lean on Ethan. I trusted him. And yes…I loved him. I loved him so deeply, it frightened me. I had no idea how the next week would play out. Or the week after, or after that. I knew one thing. “I want you here.”
Light sparked in his eye. “I admit, I was nervous to call you my girlfriend outright, but I went with it on a hunch.”
I wanted him here, but dark thoughts clouded my head. “What are you doing here? I said you didn’t have to come.”
“Remember, caroling is mandatory?” He smiled faintly, not pushing too hard. “I wouldn’t leave you to the wolves.”
I lifted my chin. “You don’t owe me anything.” False confidence for the win.
“I don’t fall back on my promises.”
My throat tightened. “Aren’t you mad at me?”
I’d spent the ten minutes in my closet, and then some, letting murky to pitch-black thoughts reign free in my mind. I couldn’t see how Ethan and I could ever work. We had history, a loving, meaningful history, but I didn’t belong here. I didn’t belong with Ethan. Here, I’d forever be a Holly attached to my family’s reputation, which had to be sullied by now. What was worse than sullied? Foully contaminated?
“Mad? At you?” Ethan moved closer. “Never. I signed on knowing the competition was ridiculous. Look, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but it’s not over yet.” He glanced past me for a beat before landing a kiss at my forehead. “Let’s take this one day at a time.”
My insides nearly combusted. I wanted so much to live in one single day, but my brain couldn’t help advancing to our future. That image was murkier than ever. I simply could not envision it.
