Page 20 of Sour
Ilistened as the front door to our decaying trailer swung open, shadowed by loud and staggering footsteps, telling me my stepfather had returned home.
Fuck, he’s home early.
My hand carefully tightened around my mother's so as to not hurt her frail bones. “Hey Momma,” I whispered. “I’m going to have to cut our visit short. I have to go now, okay?” Her cancer-stricken and dying body remained still in the bed. Most daughters would struggle to see their sickly mothers bedridden,their bodies nothing but living corpses waiting for death to end their clocks, but not me. My mother had been sick for as long as I could remember. I didn’t know her any other way. And I had always cared for her, even before my father walked out on us. And even after she married my stepfather. My life had known nothing other than sickness and pain. My only reprieve from this damned world had been Ziggy. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t even be here.
“I’ll be back later.”
As I stepped away from the bed, I caught my reflection in the floor-length mirror near her bedside. I almost didn’t recognize myself, forgetting all about the dark, clown-like makeup I had on. It wasn’t my first choice for tonight’s costume party, but Ziggy said it would be fitting. Something about seeing me smile. I wasn’t sure how I felt seeing the eerie smile painted onto my flesh, but if Ziggy liked it, then so did I.
I spun back towards the bed, leaned forward, and kissed my momma’s forehead. “I’ll try to be back soon, okay, Momma? Just wait for me.”
The smell of alcohol flooded the room.
“The fuck are you doing in here?”
My back was to the open bedroom door, which is how I didn’t see my stepfather enter the room.
“I asked you a question,” he grumbled. Between the smell pouring from his fat body and the way he was slurring his words, I knew he'd come home drunk. Again.
Just do what you have to do, and get the fuck out.
With a deep breath, I turned to face my stepfather, releasing my momma’s hand. “Erek.” He grimaced at his name. “I was just checking on Momma before I headed out for the night.” He stared at me, an already opened beer in his hand despite still dressed in his police uniform. The man was a fucking joke. He was almost never home, never took care of his wife, and all butgave up on Ziggy. If we wasn’t fucking around at his job, he was here, drinking his miserable life away. I always wondered what tricks he must’ve played to get my momma to marry him.
Erek didn’t speak. He just stared at me with those dark and menacing eyes. The air in the room thickened with a sense of anticipation, as if he was going to pounce any second. I picked my nails and lowered my head. “I was just leaving.”
I tried to walk by, but Erek purposely filled the doorway with his fat frame.
Fuck.
“I need to get by, Erek,” I whispered. He didn’t move. Just fucking stared at me, drinking his cheap ass beer with that look in his eye. “Please,” I breathed.
My stepfather grinned and finally moved aside and I shot past. He remained in the doorway, watching me like a hawk while I frantically gathered my things around the living room. It wasn’t until I was nearly ready that he decided to speak up. “Where the hell do you think you’re going looking like that?” He motioned to his face, referring to my clown makeup. “You hear me?” I ignored him and turned around to grab my bag. “I asked you a question, girl.” His footsteps told me he was walking in my direction, and my heart began to race. “Huh?”
They stopped.
Shit.
I clutched my bag tight and turned to find Erek standing maybe a foot away from me. Fear and anxiety burned in my cheeks as I stared up at him. My stepfather’s eyes lowered as he took another drink. “I said, where do you think you’re going?” He used the tip of his index finger to lift the seam of my baggy shirt, exposing my stomach. I carefully brushed his hand away and tucked my shirt into the band of my sweatpants. I had to swallow the uneasiness I felt, forcing a tiny fake smile. “I was just heading out to a Halloween party with some friends.Momma’s all taken care of for the night and I already gave her her meds. I’ll take care of her as soon as I get back.”
He grunted. “Halloween party? What the hell are you supposed to be?” He looked me up and down. “If it’s a costume party, then where’s your costume?” He motioned to my plain clothes. What Erek didn’t know was that my costume was tucked away in my bag, and I had purposely chosen to wear this instead. I didn’t want to dress in my costume until I was far away from him. But how the fuck are you supposed to say something like that out loud? “I’m already late, so I’m just changing when I get there.”
He grumbled to himself. “What about my dinner?” he asked. “What am I supposed to eat?”
“I–I?—”
Erek began to mock me. “I–I—Pfft. Fucking modern day women. A man can’t even come home to a home-cooked meal anymore, can he?” He took another sip. “I work all day, busting my ass at that precinct to come home, and my little girl is sneaking out to go party like some whore.” He shook his head.
“I’m not your little girl, Erek,” I calmly reminded him.
He just stared at me and took another sip. “You never did like me, did you?”
I quickly shook my head, sensing his tone change. That’s not true, I?—”
Erek slapped my face, and I quickly shut up. “Don’t lie to me, girl! Your momma is nothing more than a living corpse, living on borrowed time while I sit here working my ass off to provide for you and that ungrateful boy of mine! And what do I get in return?” He took a long sip, dribbling beer down his chin. “You’re playing favorites, picking one parent over the other. You–you have no time to make my dinner, but yet you still take care of your momma. Why is that, huh?” I didn’t reply. “Huh? I’ll tell you why, it’s because you don’t give two shits about me!”He threw the glass bottle down and it shattered, glass hitting my feet. The small threat made me jump and cover my ears.
Erek grabbed my wrists and yanked them from my face as he continued to scold me. “You’ve always been such a damn brat, favoring your momma while treating me like I’m trash.” The alcohol on his breath gagged me as I took his verbal lashing. I didn’t know what to do or how to react, fearing his alcoholic rage. So I just stood there.
Silence.
