Page 18 of Sour
“Because you fucking failed,” I painfully whispered. Ziggy froze, his face less than an inch from mine. “And if that wasn’t bad enough…” I swallowed. “You ran away like a fucking coward.” My words were filled with nothing but venom.
Ziggy’s blue eyes glared into mine. “I didn’t plan to just fucking leave you, Koven. The cops showed up, and I needed to lose them. I was coming back for you,” he growled as he snatched my neck. A wave of immense pain coursed through my body. “I would never leave you!” His grip tightened over the scar as he restricted my airway. “I was coming back for you!”
Ziggy was beginning to snap.
I opened my mouth and inhaled sharply, forcing the words from my mouth. “But you didn’t!” His nostrils flared, and I forced a few more words from my mouth. “You left me there—to die.” My hands gripped his. “And I did.Alone!” The last single word burned in my throat.
Ziggy fumed with all sorts of emotions. “You weren’t supposed to be alone. You were never supposed to be alone! I tried to outrun them, but—” he growled. “It doesn’t even matter . I’m here now. I came back for you, Koven. I came back! Don’t you see? I got myself thrown in here to be with you!”
I wheezed a faint laugh. “I didn’t ask you to.” My expression hardened. “And I don’t want you here, Ziggy.”
His arm flexed, the veins bulging as he bit down and groaned. He then ripped his arm away from me and shot to his feet. I coughed and gagged, my throat and neck aching and burning from how tightly he held me. Blood was smeared along my neck, staining my hand as I tried to stop it.
Fuck.
Ziggy began to pace around the room, huffing and puffing, inching closer and closer to snapping. But I didn’t care. I wanted him away from me, but I also wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me. And that undeniable need and desire to see him shatter into a million pieces swallowed any other emotions I felt.
I sat up in my bed, clutching my neck as he began to ramble. I just sat there and watched him, unsure of what to do.
Ziggy grabbed his head. “I–I don’t understand. I came all this way to be with you. Spent every minute of every day just thinking of how to get here, what to do, what to say, all of it! I killed again and again, forcing everyone out of my way to make this happen! To be with you, Koven!” He was frantic. “You can’t just throw me away. No. No, no, no, no! You can’t! We–we’ve been together since we were kids. We’ve shared secrets, done unthinkable things together!” He really was snapping. “When you got caught dealing your mother’s cancer drugs, out in the alley behind our trailer, I’m the one who protected you! I killed my father to protectyou!” Hearing him bring up our past made me feel sick. He wasn’t wrong; he had always been there for me, but that was the problem. I had moved on from him, and now I needed him to do the same.
“You are part of my fucking soul, Koven. You can’t just walk away from me. I have no other reason for living! No reason to exist without you!”
I swallowed. “You need to let it go, Ziggy. Let me go.”
His demeanor changed. “You—you think I’m just going to move on, pretend like nothing ever happened between us? That I can turn it all off with the flip of a switch?” His smile returned. “No, you can’t erase me like that. You can’t just erase me!” I jolted at his anger. “I’ve killed for you, and I will kill again and again and again if I have to. You’re mine, Koven. Forever.”
No.
“I don’t want you here, Ziggy!”
He stopped in the middle of the room. “I didn’t ask you.” His eyes glared down at me. “When will you understand that I’d doanythingfor you?” He turned to face me, slowly walking towards me as he spoke. “Ever since we were kids, I have fought for you. I shadowed your every move, keeping an eye on you as much as possible. I spent most of my life trying to keep you safe. And when I couldn’t—” He stopped directly in front of me, touching my lower lip. His breathing changed and I felt the pain he carried. “I’ll never forgive myself for what he did.”
Ziggy’s eyes looked deep into my soul and I tasted his emotions.
“When I walked in and saw my father—thatpig—raping you.” He exhaled and gripped my chin, forcing me to look up at him. I knew he was also traumatized by that night, hiding away his own fears and pain. But he had to let it go.
Another tear rolled down my face. “We can’t keep falling into the shadows of our past, Happy.” His eyes flickered as I whispered the nickname. “It’s too painful.” I tried to forget that night but remembered it all too well. I didn’t like how I was feeling. I had this reanimated longing charging through my veins reaching out for him. I felt as if my body was fighting itself, two versions of me scrambling to exist at once. One that hated Ziggy, and one that wanted nothing more than to exist with him. And until he showed up here, I was so certain I would never feel this way again. So why, after everything, do I feel this way now?
What the hell is wrong with me?
Ziggy’s voice lowered. “The past is a ghost that will forever haunt us. We must both learn to live with it, Skittles. Because it’s not going anywhere.” He bent down to his knees and leaned real close, touching my face. “I fucked up once, but I’ll never make that same mistake again. You might not want me now, but I’ll never stop wanting you. You’remine. You just have to accept it. I’m never fucking giving you up, Koven.” I began tocry uncontrollably, both terrified and relieved. “I will kill anyone who dares to even think of keeping me from you. Anyone.” Ziggy’s eyes fell to my lips, and he slammed his mouth into mine. I tried to push him away, but he pinned me back onto the bed and continued to kiss me, using his weight to hold me down.
I didn’t have a say or choice. It was all about him; what he wanted, what he needed. I would never be free of Ziggy. He would never give me up. I was stuck with him, forever attached just like the looming shadow of our past. Dr. Sable was right. This was a losing game.
Just then, the flicker of an idea struck within my mind like a match.
If I can’t win this game, then Eydie was right. It’s time to play my own, one I know I can win.
My hands wriggled free from Ziggy’s grasp and made their way up to his chest. I pushed against him and forced his mouth from mine. “No,” I breathed.
Ziggy opened his eyes, and I gazed up into those icy blue irises of his. They were filled with such desire, such craving. He was like an addict, sampling the very drug they had so desperately tried to kick. He didn’t just want me. He fucking needed me. And that was the very thing I would use against him. My own little game.
Ziggy’s hand brushed my hair from my face as he gazed down at me, hooked. “Come on, Skittles,” he whispered. “Don’t make me beg.”
Ziggy tried to kiss me again, but I gripped his chin and stopped him. I knew he’d beg if I asked him to. Hell, he’d probably fall to his knees right now and grovel like a fucking dog. But that’s not what I wanted. I wanted something else.
While Ziggy watched me, I slid from under his body and cautiously climbed to my feet. He rotated and sat on my bed, those eyes glued to my flesh as I stopped in the center of theroom and faced him. “I won’t make you beg,” I started. “But if you want me so fucking bad, then I expect something in return.” He pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it, flicking the little burnt match onto the floor.
