Page 56 of Breaking Sanity
“Would you look at that,” I chuckle. “I found the off button.”
Here’s the thing about a person who is beyond tweaking out of their mind, they don’t really feel pain. Not until they wake up and the drugs are out of their system. So, me turning my back to him was a dumb move.
I feel his strong hand wrap around my throat from behind and soon enough I am hurling into the wall. The dry wall breaks from the impact showering me with debris as I land on the soft carpet. Rapid succession of kicks to my side starts before I have time to register what is actually happening. By the fifth one, I get the burst of adrenaline and take hold of the back of his ankle and yank it towards me. He loses balance and falls to his back. His head bouncing off the floor should’ve been enough to knock his ass out but I couldn’t get that lucky.
“You fucking bitch,” he exclaims.
“Right back at you,” I cough.
I don’t even get to my feet before he is dragging me out by my hair. I try to claw at his wrist trying to get him to let go. I even try to trap the post near the back door between my crossed legs. That only led to him ripping out some strands and a knee jab in between my shoulder blades.
“Let me go you fucking bastard,” I scream as my ass smacks the final porch step.
“You don’t know when to stop, so I am going to have to teach you.”
A Taylor Swift song is blaring from the open shed door drowning out all of my screams for help as he keeps dragging me through the yard and over to the ditch that lines the back fence. He tosses me into it, making me land on my stomach. I start to wheeze from the impact and roll over so I am not breathing in dirt. That doesn’t last long because Johnathan starts to shovel the loose dirt on top of me.
“STOP,” I cry trying to block it from getting in my face. “Johnathan fucking stop.”
Like a man possessed, he keeps shoveling faster and faster. It’s happening so fast that it takes some time to flip back over and crawl out of the path of the falling dirt. I hear a soft pound of the ground behindme before I am lifted off the ground only to be hit in the face with freezing hose water.
When I come out of my head, I am on one of the medical beds staring at the stark white ceiling. I hear Baron chatting with someone off to the side of me. He is talking about breaking me or something about hurting what belongs to him.
Sitting up, I see that his back is turned to me and he is talking tohim.As quiet as a mouse, I get off of the bed. Fueled by anger both from the past memory and Baron’s threats, not to mention the constant pulling of my long hair. I tiptoe to the table and grab the scissors. Without a second thought I push the hair tie down until I am comfortable with it and start hacking my hair off underneath the ponytail.
“Jesus fucking christ,” Baron rips the scissors out of my hand.
“I belong to no one,” I hysterically laugh. His face goes dark except for his eyes. The green has turned to a bright emerald.
“I’ll change that very soon,” he grinds. “Get her back to solitary.”
Purge throws me over his shoulder while I am still laughing like a maniac and flipping off a very pissed off Baron. The further we get from the room the more I let my laughter die out. Only to be replaced with overwhelming fear and anger. This is way too much for me and I have been buried alive, drowned repeatedly, almost burned alive and yet I was able to pick myself back up. This, though, I don’t know if I can handle it. It’s one thing to be physically abused and tortured compared to being emotionally fucked with. I’d rather the former than the latter.
He places my feet on the freezing concrete floor and I push him back. Obviously, he doesn’t move but it feels good to hit something, so I keep doing it until he hugs me to his chest and I start to cry.
“Shh, Little Monster , you are going to be okay.” He’s rubbing my back, and his chin rests on the top of my head.
“What is your name,” I ask, trying to clear my throat.
“I can’t tell you. We’ve been over this,” he sighs.
“Please,” I beg, pushing away from him to get a look at his face. The man is good because he is facing away from the light and using the shadows to his advantage.
“Alley,” he whispers, running his knuckles down my cheeks to my jaw.
“Please tell me.” I start to cry harder.
“Baby, you can call me Shadow.”
“Shadow,” I whisper to myself. “You should’ve killed me before you left.”
I turn away from him and scurry to the bed. He takes it as his cue to go and I am plunged back into darkness. The voices in my head start to babble making it impossible for me to relax. So I get up and start to pace the room.
Chapter 12
Alley
EmberandRavenhavebeen the voices in my head for as long as I can remember. No, I don’t have DID or anything like that. I like to think of them as the angel and the devil on my shoulders. Their voices only got louder after I hit puberty and the manic episodes started to become extreme. After I was diagnosed as Manic Bipolar 1 at age 15, they became more consistent. It was like having a three-way conversation 24/7. After what happened with my dad and ex-boyfriend, they only spoke here and there but the negative voices had come back instead. The meds helped keep them at bay for a while, until I was hit with pregnancy and then everything went downhill. They only came back full force after he died.
