Page 87 of Breaking Sanity
“I know you and Eagle are supposed to go for your break but I would like you to stay at least.”
“Okay?”
“The Reaping is coming up and I don’t want her to interfere. If she gets in the way, Vaughn just might kill her. Also Carson will be out and about here soon. Best to keep those two separated from her. I don’t want to lose her.”
He isn’t looking at me, he’s staring at the door. I don’t think he meant to say that last part but he doesn’t take it back.
“I’ll stay, Doc. Whatever you need,” I respond and put my mask back on.
I need to mend whatever is breaking in her because I don’t want to lose her either. Also, if something happens to her, Eagle will burn this place to the ground, zero fucks given. He has only given his heart to one person and that is when we were teens. Let’s just say, it didn’t end well. For him to ask Alley to be his too, is a big fucking deal.
“Thank you, Shadow.”
I exit and nod to Eagle to start heading up stairs. Alley has her arms wrapped around herself and her shouldersstart to shake a little. She is silently crying and fuck if I don’t want to hold her. Eagle walks ahead of us and she follows him on auto pilot. No one speaks on the way to his room. There were some sniffling sounds and ragged breaths from Alley but nothing more. I close his door and Eagle pulls his phone out to check the hidden cameras we have in the halls. He nods at me giving the green light to talk.
“Alley,” I speak.
“Don’t Shadow. Just don’t.” She lifts her hand to tell me not to come closer.
Alley turns on her heel and goes into the bathroom locking the door behind her. Eagle stands by the door at attention. He is staring dead ahead and doesn’t acknowledge me. I guess they are both pissed at me.
Her muffled sobbing starts to filter through the door. I can tell she is trying to stay quiet but she is failing. I feel my own heart breaking for her. She thought we would send her here, and then to be ripped into by Baron hit another level of pain. I am no stranger to breaking a girl emotionally but I never wanted to do that to her. She was already so broken with everything going on.
Yes, she was vulnerable when I finally got the balls to make my move into her life, but that doesn’t mean I used it to get in her pants. I gave her an option each time to decide if she wanted this. I knew she probably wouldn’t say no, but I wanted her to know she had the power to stop it. Every man in her life has tried to rob her of that. I think that is why she fights so much. Plus decades of trauma that she keeps inside.
Baron was wrong when he said that we didn’t care about her. The truth is that we care too much for her that it is actually starting to fuck up our mission. I have barely reported to Wolf and I know Eagle is starting to detach every day. Both of us want to help her and kill them for even touching her but there is a bigger picture that needs to be looked at for now.
She also isn’t desperate or pathetic. If anything that could be said about me. I followed her for months and learned what I could about her. I even would find ways to bring her up with Declan and Titus just to get more information about her, but nothing compared to actually being with her. Then I dragged poor Eagle into it, because if anyone else got to touch her, it was him. I just didn’t expect him to fall so quickly for her. He is usually so allergic to commitment.
She respected my need to stay anonymous and never tried to take my mask off. Hell, some of the nights we didn’t even have sex, she would make me dinner and we would talk or just watch stupid true crime documentaries. She would babble during the whole thing and go through a million and one different theories on who did it, why they did it, what was going through their heads, and so on. It was cute. I don’t think she even realized she was doing it either or even thought I was still in the room. Sometimes she would mumble to herself having a conversation with the voices in her head. After the night I stopped her from killing herself, she had a few minor episodes which led me to finally look into her mental background. It was extensive and she had been trying to end her own life since the age of twelve.
There is a blood curdling scream followed by sobs and all I can do is stare at the fucking locked door. I want to break it down and grab her. I want to tell her to hold it together and she’ll be okay but even I know that is not true. Saving her or protecting her is not part of why we are here. We need her alive for now because she makes them careless.
I noticed her link to them early on. First it started with the night at the diner, seeing Gunner plant a tracker on her car. Then, I saw him follow her home after the club and then every night after that. I found his cameras in herapartment and even followed him while he stalked her during the day. I didn’t know what type of relationship they had until I heard Baron talk to him here and there about her.
After being here for two years, I saw the contracts on her and knew it was our opportunity to get rid of them. The contracts usually take up to a year to negotiate so it gave us plenty of time to come at this from a different angle with her being in the center of it. I convinced myself that what we had during that month was a fling. But after seeing her for the first time in three years, I knew I fucked up. Everything I felt for her came rushing back and there was no amount of training I endured that would erase those feelings.
“Fuck, I can’t listen to her cry like that again,” Eagle says, taking off his mask.
“Again,” I question.
“Leave it alone, man,” He says, running his hand through his messy hair. Another loud cry comes from the bathroom. Eagle quickly checks his phone.
“Anyone coming,” I ask.
“No, the floor is clear. Vaughn is with Annie, Nik is in solitary with Piper, and Gunner left early this morning to go collect.”
“Good,” I lean my head against the wall.
“I hate this room,” Eagle whispers to himself. I open one eye and look at him.
“I think we both do,” I agree. Another sob comes from the bathroom and Eagle moves towards it. “Don’t Eagle. Let her be.”
“Is it so easy for you to just listen to her breakdown?”
“Watch it,” I snap, getting in his face.
“You haven’t made one move towards her since the woods that night. Hell you didn’t even make a move when they attacked her, Shadow. You didn’t budge when she yelled at us or even when said she hated us.”
