Page 69 of Breaking Sanity
Fuck it.
“Whatever you do to me, just know I will do worse to you, Baron. I am not the only one who has a soft spot.”
“There are no cameras in here so if she tries to leave or acts up, use any means to keep her in line,” he says, slamming the door.
Shadow keeps his body facing me, but I can’t tell if he’s looking at me or the other guard who pulls out his phone.
Instead of engaging with them, I head into the bathroom to clean up but leave the door open out of habit.Like Vaughn said, those who don’t behave don’t get privacy. I relieve myself and go to wash my hands. I start to turn the knob for the hot water when the sight of red on my fingers stops me. Libby’s blood.
I wanted to comfort her and let her know she wasn’t alone. That someone who truly cared for her would be with her until the end. When I curled my fingers around hers as she cried, the only thing I could think of to soothe her was to sing her comfort song. She knew she was going to die the second her name was called. I saw it in her eyes. Then when Baron beckoned her, it just confirmed it. Watching that whole scene play out was brutal. I promised her I would protect Piper and Annie no matter what. Keeping to my word, I had to force myself to just stand there and watch.
Carson already showed that he knew how to hurt me when he raped Eve on my bed about a week ago. Which I have not slept on since. I just cuddle up with Annie every night. I have gotten the majority of the story of what happened to Annie and even what happened to her previous roommate. I have my suspicions for who set Annie up but I am not sure how to prove it yet.
Although I have only been out of solitary for a couple of weeks, I built bonds with the girls quickly. A few sharedpunishments and you start to cling to any kindness with those who also suffer. Trauma Bonding.
Libby and I would talk a lot when we were in the day room or during meals. Hell, our first time talking we held our very own rock concert that some of the other girls joined in on. It was truly a blast and the first time I have smiled in a while. Vaughn tried to shut our fun down quickly. Let’s just say he didn’t succeed. I don’t let those assholes ruin any fun that we try to have because we need something other than dwell in the madness of this place.
I start to viciously scrub my hands as the image of Libby mouthing I love you before she lets herself go to a better place starts to flood my mind. Finally, I let the tears fall.
I get that they couldn’t just let her leave but to slaughter her in such a way was uncalled for. They could’ve just made it swift but no they had to make a fucking show of it. Then to push it further the bastard blew me a kiss before he buried himself inside her. My snapping point was him spitting on her body as if she was nothing. She was someone with a beautiful soul and a fucked up home life. She was sweet, caring, and friendly. She would tell me what her sessions were like with Baron and how he would use hertrauma against her just to break her spirit until she gave into his every whim. I am not sure if I will ever have a good dream again.
“How are you doing?” A familiar male’s voice softly echoes through my head.
My gaze goes from my hands to the mirror staring at the unmasked man. He is definitely not Shadow, as he has the white purge mask in his left hand.
This new guy has raven wavy hair that is perfectly tousled with one curl dangling right above his left eye. If that isn’t distracting, the goddesses wanted us to drop all feminism at the door when they created those crystal clear baby blue irises entrapped in wide almond shaped eyes . Then to tie this goddesses’ creation, he has a heart shaped baby face showcasing tan ivory skin with natural plush lips and a straight nose. Above the dark five o’clock shadow, there is an adorable beauty mark above his lips but a little to the right. I swear he could be related to Marilyn Monroe somewhere down the line.
“Do you even care or is this just a mind game thing? Act like you care to get my guard down so I cooperate,” I start to question.
“Play nice, Little Monster . He is genuinely asking,” Shadow comes in but is still wearing his mask.
“Fuck both of you cowards,” I say, drying my hands.
“Cowards,” Baby Face questions. His tone turned from caring to insulted.
“You know we can’t interfere, Little Monster .”
“Stop fucking calling me that,” I shout, spinning around. “And yes cowards! You just stood by as an innocent girl was raped and sodomized in one of the most horrifying ways possible!”
“Look, it goes against our orders. We have to do what we have to and there was no saving her,” Baby Face answers his alto voice going back to caring. He almost sounds remorseful.
“You could’ve tried,” I cry. “We all could’ve tried.”
My knees give out and I go to fall but Baby Face rushes to catch me before I can hit the ground. He embraces me. The soft smell of coconuts and oak invades my senses. As odd as a combination that is, it smells super good and is strangely comforting.
“Little Monster , you can’t blame yourself and break for them,” Shadow states.
I look at him and my heart starts to break more. When he and I first met, he seemed so safe. As everything progressed, I started to let myself fall for him. He could make me laugh and we’d talked for hours. After our sexcapades he would take care of me but either kept his mask on or blind folded me. Afterwards, he always wrapped me in his arms and played with my hair until I passed out. But now he seems cold hearted and distant, like a stranger.
“Like I said, stop calling me that. That nickname is only reserved for the man I started to fall in l-” I stop myself from finishing that sentence.
We were only together for a month but we spent every night together since that night at the club. On top of that, he was my rock when everything started to go south with the trial.
“Started to what,” He snaps, pushing himself off from leaning on the door frame.
“None of your business,” I snap back.
He and Baby Face, who grabs my arm to stop me from getting in Shadow’s face, are about the same height. I feel trapped between two walls. To make matters worse, it’s not that big of a bathroom.
