Page 24 of My Ex's Roommates
A sob broke free and I broke down there on the side of the highway with Silas holding me and cars flying past. I’d tried to hide them. That was the thought banging around angrily in my head. Jake had acted like they were a shameful secret and I’d let him. I’d pretended they weren’t in prison, even though they werethere for trying to protect me. I was disgusted with myself and I wanted to suffer for what I’d done. I didn’t deserve comfort.
It was that thought that had me pushing Silas away and climbing back into the truck. I wrapped my arms around myself and stared straight ahead, my stomach twisted in knots as Silas walked back around the truck and got in. Silence stretched on between us but he didn’t start the truck.
After what felt like forever, I glanced over at him and saw he was staring back at me with a hard expression on his face. “I wish I knew what you were thinking.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “I’ll tell you and then you can go back to hating me. I let Jake act like my brothers being in prison was this white trash family secret to be ashamed of and I started acting like that, too. He would threaten to tell all of his friends and family about it to get me to stay in line. I let it happen. I knew his fancy friends and family wouldn’t find my life palatable and I let Jake twist it into something prettier. I’m an asshole and I don’t deserve your comfort. You were right to hate me.”
He swore as he looked at the clock. “I have to get back to campus but we’re going to talk about this, Harper. You’re beating yourself up for nothing and I think maybe your brothers were right to keep you away.”
I glared at him. “No, they weren’t.”
“You can’t handle it, Harper. You’re beating the shit out of yourself right now.” He pulled back onto the highway with a string of additional swears. “I see the way you love your brothers. They do, too. I can pretty much guarantee that you never said or did a thing to insult your brothers.”
“Well, no, of course not, but-”
“But nothing. Jake did that, Harper. Not you.” He glanced over at me. “I’m going to drop you off at home but we’ll talk more after practice. Okay?”
I crossed my arms over my chest and looked out the window. It wasn’t okay. Everything felt raw. I was too exposed and letting Silas see too much of me felt like a mistake. Things were confusing and scary with everything that was changing in so little time. Letting him comfort me and hold me while I cried about my brothers was something I’d never let Jake do in the two years we were together. It’d never felt right. Yet, with Silas, it was too easy to let him take care of me.
He wasn’t looking at me like I was someone he disliked anymore and I wasn’t sure I could handle it, not when I felt like I deserved the dislike. He’d come from a rough background, too, but I bet he’d never pretended to be someone he wasn’t to impress anyone.
More than anything, I was ashamed of myself. For pretending to be someone else. For not talking about my brothers when they deserved to be spoken about. For ever telling them about our dad in the first place.
“Get your shit together or I’ll call the prison myself to tell your brothers you can’t come back.” Silas’ harsh words stung, his tone hard. He was staring back at me with a smug look on his face when I glared at him. “There she is. Be pissed. It’s at least a useful emotion.”
I deflated in my seat, slowly letting all my too big feelings out with a long exhale. “How are you both the worst and the best?”
He smiled after pulling up into the driveway. “I’m an enigma, princess. Now get out of my truck and go the fuck inside. Drink some tea or something, whatever it is you do to relax.”
I watched him for a few seconds, unable to find any trace of the guy I’d hated as Jake’s roommate. The Silas I’d come to know was so much more than I’d ever expected. “I’m going to go take a burning hot shower and then spend the next five to six hours trying to make myself feel pretty in hopes of it improving my attitude. Ever tried it?”
His slow grin was dangerous. “If I’m going to spend five or six hours doing something to be improve my attitude, princess, it’s not going to be anything I do to myself.”
I blushed as I caught his meaning. “Idiot.”
He waved me out of his truck and then sped off to practice, leaving me standing there wondering who the hell Silas really was and why he’d decided to unleash his good on me.
23.
***Silas***
“You’re late, Turner!” Coach Hogan pointed at me and then at the bleachers. “Run ‘em!”
I swore but did as I was told. In my uniform, running the bleachers was a bitch. It was miserably hot and I felt like throwing up but it at least got my mind off of Harper. When Hogan finally called me off the stairs, he jabbed a finger in my direction and then pointed to the field right in front of him.
“What the fuck kept you from my practice, Turner? You have more important things to do than show up for your team?!” Hogan was spitting mad. “You know who used to show up late? Jake! You want your team to think you’re just another Jake?!”
I straightened to my full height and glared down at him. “I’m nothing like Jake, sir!”
“Prove it! Get out there and show your teammates that you’re fucking dedicated to this team!”
I bit back the need to fight back and did what he said. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t my instinct to follow rules but playing sports had taught me the benefit of listening. I took the chastising and worked my ass off the rest of the practice to prove that my head was where it was supposed to be. Even if a part of it really wasn’t.
Hogan pulled me aside after practice before I could snag Dylan and Carter to tell them about Harper. He sat me down on the bench and sighed. “Why were you late?”
I glanced around to make sure we were alone and quickly explained to him where I’d been and why I was late. I waited for him to snap at me for letting a woman distract me but he surprised me.
“That Monroe is something else. After Jake pulled his shit, I wasn’t going to let her stand on my field. I was sure she had to have known something. She asked me to get my head out of my ass and use the tools her program was providing, i.e. her. She told me off and she was right for it.” He looked out across the field and sighed. “Dylan said she’s helped with a few plays.”
