Page 22 of My Ex-Best Men

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“How about a friendly wager? Whoever Claire lets fuck her is the winner and the losers learn to keep their hands to themselves? Winner takes all and the losers go home empty handed.” Zane stared long and hard at each of us. “I’m confident that I’m leaving with Claire so I’m not worried.”

Anthony scowled but he stuck out his hand. “Fine. When I win, you both need to go back to the hotel. I have plans for this house.”

I glared at his hand and then at Zane. “If it’ll get you two assholes to fuck off, fine. I bet I win Claire and have her screaming my name before the week’s over. I want you both to stay in the house and hear it, though. So you know for sure who she belongs to.”

“And if she doesn’t scream your name, fire boy?” Zane shook his head but then he smiled. “Fine. If she screams one of our names first, there should be another bet. A side bet.”

“What will I get when I win?” I could be cocky, too.

“I’m so confident that I’ll win that I’ll put up a hundred grand.” Anthony put his hands on his hips and stared us down.

“Fine. I’m in.” Zane looked at me. “Can you afford to play, fire boy?”

I couldn’t. That didn’t mean I was going to back down. “I’m in.”

We shook hands and then settled back into the awful couches. Somehow, with the bets settled, the tension eased and when Zane suggested we turn an old game on, it sounded like a good idea. Being shitfaced had nothing to do with how easily we were getting along. Probably.

21

***Claire***

I’d planned the snorkeling trip without thinking. I wasn’t a big fan of the open ocean, my swimming was adequate at best, and I hadn’t been on a boat in years. I’d set myself up for failure and I was suffering because of it. I had a hangover and the constant rocking of the boat had me feeling more seasick than I could ever remember being. Seconds after leaving the marina I’d had my head in a bucket and was vomiting. I was stubborn and refused to stay behind, though. I’d planned the excursion for the bridal party and I wasn’t missing it.

After Uncle Sal, who’d somehow wrangled an invite from Sophia, started sharing explicit stories from his past, however, I changed my mind and wished I’d stayed behind. Nothing could dull the horror at hearing my geriatric great-uncle describe his penis as a Bruce Willis movie.Die Hardwould never be the same.

I tried to glare at him to make him stop talking but with my head in the bucket and Will, Zane, and Anthony shufflingaround me to be the one holding my hair back, I couldn’t get to him. I had to continue to endure his tales.

“Well, after my dalliance with the senator I went on down to Cuba on a boat with a wealthy Canadian named Dom who loved leather and naughty young men like me. Dom had these huge hands… In all the years since my time with that man, I’ve never been spanked the same way.” Uncle Sal sighed so dramatically, I heard it over the engine of the boat. “It’s a shame, really. A good spanking is just what the doctor orders some days. Just ask my sweet little niece over there. I heard spanking sounds coming from her apartment in London during one visit…”

I yanked my head up so fast that whoever had managed to hold my hair ended up ripping out a few strands. “Uncle Sal!”

“You know the quiet ones are always the freakiest.” Sophia snorted and winked at me. “Although, I am curious about who was spanking you. I know it wasn’t Jordan. You would’ve murdered him.”

Jordan, who’d invited himself on the trip, perked up. “I might’ve slapped that ass a time or-”

“Stop talking or I’ll toss your little ass over the side of the boat.” Will’s voice promised violence and it shut Jordan right up.

“Move, asshole.” Anthony shoved Zane out of the way once he and Will were focused on Jordan. He gently wrapped my hair around his hand and squatted next to me. “Do you need me to throw him overboard?”

“Jordan or Uncle Sal?”

He grinned and brushed his knuckles down the side of my face. “Either one of them for you, baby. Just say the word.”

I pressed my face into his palm and then paled as another wave of sickness hit me. I barely made it into the bucket.

“Hey, Will, could you rub sunscreen into my back? After Mom had that skin cancer scare a few years ago, I’ve been neuroticabout being safe.” Madeline’s sickly sweet voice made the nausea worse.

“Now that you’re free, Zane, could you sing for us? It would mean the world!” Lizzie grabbed Zane’s arm and pulled him towards the front of the boat but I could still hear her begging him to sing.

“You know, your grandmother was quite the lady in her day, Jake.” Uncle Sal whistled. “Back when I swung every way possible, she rocked my world a few times. Did I ever tell you that? She had this trick she’d do with a chandelier and a piece of rope that-”

“Oh, my god.” Jake groaned. “Move over, Claire. I need the puke bucket.”

“Don’t be a prude, Jake.” Sophia giggled. “Grandma Grace was young once. She had every right to be wild.”

“I’m going to talk over that nightmare for you.” Anthony settled next to me. “I took a refresher CPR course when I heard about the snorkeling trip. I figured I’d be prepared in case you forgot how to swim again. The ocean’s a lot different than a college pool, though. I did some research and I almost wish I hadn’t. Did you know that one milliliter of ocean water can contain millions of viruses? Also, there are over three million ships wrecked at the bottom of the sea.”

I lifted my head and frowned. “I didn’t forget how to swim. And don’t tell me about viruses and shipwrecks right now, please.”