Page 52 of My Ex-Best Men
I tried to force a smile but my eyes were still watering from Jerry’s last fart. Tears ran down my cheeks and when I opened my mouth to try to explain that I wasn’t upset I just started cackling. I doubled over and held my sides as my muscles ached. “Oh, my god. I- Jerry- Gas!”
Jordan suddenly pushed past us, nearly knocking me over, on his own search for fresh air. As soon as he opened the door, he sucked in a lung full of the good stuff and let out a loud, shaky breath. “I believe I’ve smelled hell in the bowels of that man.”
Anthony was at my side in a flash, a growl in his throat. “Watch where you’re going. You almost knocked Claire over.”
I held up my hand and tried to contain my laughter to explain that Jordan’s push was excusable under the circumstances. “Couldn’t breathe! Jerry! Gas!”
Jake’s face appeared in front of mine, even as I was doubled over, and his eyes were wide. “Someone gave Jerry cheese, didn’t they?”
I let out a howl of laughter and tried to stand up straight. Anthony had to help me and in the end, he just ended up holding my body against his, my back to his front with his arms around me. I wiped tears from my face as fast as they fell and sagged against Anthony. It took me a while to get control of myself but when I did, I still barely got more than a few sentences out before I cackled again. “I’m sorry! That table needs to be declared a biohazard. I think something’s seriously wrong with Jerry, internally. No human should make that smell.”
Sophia giggled hard enough that her plunging neckline and bouncing boobs stole Jake’s attention. When she saw where he was looking, she slipped her arms around his waist and grinned up at him. “I’ve still got it, huh?”
“I really, really hate to tell you this, but I think some of the smell is clinging to your hair…” Anthony sniffed me and his entire body stiffened. “Wow…”
Will chose that moment to join us and his eyes widened as he inhaled. I watched his nostrils flare before he took a step back. “Um…”
“This is not happening to me.” I pushed away from Anthony and held my hands up as he and Will both tried to reach for me. “No! I stink! I can’t believe you told me I stink, Anthony! I can’t believe I stink!”
Zane moved around the group of people staring at me and rolled his eyes. “I’ve got this. You don’t spend a few years on a tour bus without losing your ability to smell bad things. Come on, stinky. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
Madeline appeared with her clipboard. “The meal is about to be served, everyone. If you could all return to your tables…”
“You put Claire at the wrong table, Madeline. When she gets back from her biohazard rinse, she needs a seat at our table.” Sophia’s tone left no room for argument but Madeline still tried.
“Everything’s already planned and organized-”
“I don’t care much for weddings but one of the traditions I’m into is the maid of honor sticking close to the bride.” Sophia tapped Madeline’s clipboard. “I’m sure it was just an oversight, not putting Claire with me, but I’d love it if you could fix that.”
I took no joy in the flush that crept up Madeline’s neck. I didn’t want to cause her problems but I was more than grateful to have Sophia on my side, ready to save me from Jerry. “I can just pull up a chair.”
Zane sniffed me and whistled. “Let’s let them figure it out. We need to get you hosed down before this funk seeps any deeper.”
I made a panicked sound. “Don’t even joke about that. I feel like I just survived something traumatic. Look at my hands. They’re shaking.”
He grinned and easily tossed me over his shoulder. No sooner than I felt the breeze against my asscheeks did I feel his big hand settle over my short dress to cover me. “We’ll be right back.”
46
***Claire***
Zane walked us both into the shower in his abandoned hotel room, still fully clothed. He laughed as I sputtered. “Let’s get you soaped up.”
After a few minutes of scrubbing myself over my dress, Zane peeled it off of me and we repeated the cleansing process over again. As Zane washed my hair, I stood there, mind wandering. “They should bottle Jerry’s smells and sell them as libido blockers. You’ve had your hands all over me and I’m not attempting to climb you. He broke me.”
He rinsed my hair and added conditioner before turning me to face him. He looked sexy and rumbled in his wet clothes, with his wet hair hanging down in his eyes. He gave me a slow smile and then laughed when I groaned. “Not broken, baby. I can see that look in your eyes.”
I huffed at him. “Don’t tease me right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same. He just kept farting, Zane. It was the grossestversion of a horror movie ever. It was so bad that I think Jordan and I might’ve come to a truce and bonded over it.”
He scowled. “No. He’s still persona non grata.”
For the first time since the gas event, I found myself relaxing. I bit my lip as I studied Zane’s unhappy face and even reached up to trace the lines of his furrowed brows. “Are you worried?”
He deepened his scowl and lightly wrapped his hand around my throat. His thumb stroked my sensitive skin as he leaned closer. “Should I be?”
Whatever humor had been hanging around slipped away as I gripped his wet shirt in my fists. “I think I proved my loyalty to you, Zane.”
His face pinched tighter. “And I didn’t.”
