Page 40 of Petals of Blue: Part One
I tilt my head back and count the stars to calm my anxiety. My nose takes in the fresh air, clearing it of yummy bread and the guys' fresh scent that cleared the cobwebs from my mind as soon as I woke up.
That's what was really startling. The way their cologneand aftershave scents combined into something that relaxed me into a deep sleep. Exhaustion stole my consciousness after crying my heart out, and I'm not surprised.
Sleep and I have a tough relationship. I haven't slept well in eleven years after I truly learned just how alone I was. Nightmares are occasional, but there’s a constant stare down I have with my locked bedroom door every night.
Aunt Linda's boyfriends were all the same in their perusal of me. Some worse than others. But each night I swore my doorknob would rattle. I haven't been able to shake that lingering fear of what could happen if someone were to sneak in while I'm asleep.
So the fact that I slept through the guys moving me and driving us here is horrifying. If anyone can shatter the walls around my heart, mind, and soul, it's them. I've always known it.
Which is why it's incredibly inconvenient for them to have moved to Chicago. Now Felixis my boss, and Declan owns the café in my building.What the actual fuck?
"Hey," a throaty voice interrupts my thoughts. Roman comes into view, extending a bowl of chocolate-covered almonds like a peace offering. "You forgot the whole reason you agreed to come inside."
I accept it and shift over so he can sit with me. He looks surprised, and I kind of am too.
"I'm tired," I say, explaining away my sudden acceptance of his presence.
The soft twinkly lights along the patio highlight his strong facial features. "I know," is all he says.
I study him as I feel bits of my wall crumbling. Roman, from what I have seen, has changed the most of the four of them. He used to be energetic and incredibly motivated. Always working and planning his future, Roman felt bigger than our high school life.
Remembering how determined and loud he was about hishopes and dreams makes me wonder what changed. He seems so quiet and reserved now. So different from the boy who felt worlds away from me.
Where I was focused on living in the present, Roman was future-oriented. I loved him, goodness I did. He was encouraging and smart. Teenage Roman made mewantto live a life beyond the tragedies of my childhood.
Then he became one of them.
I start feeling curious after a few sips of wine combined with his gentle, if not sad, presence. Is it a bad idea to ask important questions that I don't know if I want the answers to?
"Why banana bread?"
His following response shocks me. "Would you like to hear a story, Blue?"
"Sure." I'm uncertain as fuck, but why not? My night, actually my entire day, has gone awry in some awful ways, so why not add to the emotional turmoil?
Roman takes a deep breath and leans his head back against the cushions. "There was this girl..."
Twenty-Six
ROMAN
The anxiety right now is horrendous. I feel like this is my only chance to grab hold of Blue and never let her go.
She opened the door to let me in when she asked about my baking habits. Blue knows the answer, so my interpretation is she's ready to hear me out.
So, I'll tell her our story.
"There was this girl. She was younger than me, but I was so envious of the way she swooped my brother under her wing. She was bright and so much fun. All I wanted was to be a part of her day."
I refuse to look at Blue while I get this out. It sounds so cheesy, but I feel like this is the only way she'll actually listen to me. Her silence encourages me.
"She only became more intriguing after I met her. My brother was infatuated from the beginning, and I thoughtshe'd be cool to hang out with. But damn," I huff out a laugh. "She was so sweet and kind too."
I feel Blue's eyes move away from me. Ignoring whatever upset her, I continue because shehasto know.
"Even my best friend, who didn't go to our school, washalf in love with her within a month." No, I don't feel bad for telling Blue that Felix had feelings for her too. We're all flying by the seat of our fucking pants trying to ensure she forgives us.
"Rome—"
