Page 41 of Petals of Blue: Part One
I cut her off because I'm on a roll now. "We spent all of our time together until I was nearing the end of senior year. College and the pressure of what my parents wanted me to do took my attention from my friends. I was more upset with the fact that I didn't hang out with my crush anymore, but I thought I was just doing what I was supposed to."
All of this is true. "I was a coward."
Blue sucks in a breath, hearing that my story is about to take a turn. I can't hide the pain in my voice as I recall the long string of bad decisions I made. Thankfully, she doesn't interrupt.
"My parents," I growl, "got in my head.Ourheads. They loved to tell me and Declan that we were meant to go far in the world. And even if we brought you with us, your family would eventually catch up. They would ask us over and over again if a high school friend was worth risking our futures for."
I'm aware that I haven't apologized yet. Blue should know exactly what I'm apologizing for first. She's still listening, so I keep going.
"Felix's parents were friends with D's and mine, so of course they were saying the same shit to him. Sometimes I feel like it was easier for him to separate from the girl because he wasn't with her nearly as often. Though I still saw the pain in his eyes. Broke my heart."
"Jared, poor kid, had gotten so close to me, my brother, and Felix. His parents are saints and were immensely disappointed in him for cutting the girl out. He was young and did what his friends said was best."
A slight sniffle beside me tests my resolve. I take a deepbreath and move on to the worst part of the story. "We decided that when she moved, it would be the best time to just completely cut ties. The most childish and cruel thing I've ever done was ghost the girl who brought life into our group."
I'm going to cry.
"Um," I clear my throat and close my eyes. "There was a lot of fighting and arguing. Leaving for college was the easy way out, and I took it. Felix moved in, which sounded great, but we spiraled together. We drank a lot, but not once did it drown our guilt. Christ, we were so fucking sad we almost failed our classes the first year. Had to get our shit together and work hard to get back on track."
"Grades were so important to you," Blue gasps out like that's the worst fucking thing I've said. It makes me angry thatthat'swhat she's commenting on.
"Not as important asher. I hate myself every day for what I did. More so after what happened to Declan."
"What happened to Declan?" She sounds scared and a little accusatory. I don't blame her.
I sigh, the self-hatred gripping my throat a little tighter. "He moved in with us when he graduated high school and enjoyed our lifestyle a little too much. Drank too much at a frat party then jumped off the roof and into a pool because it sounded fun."
Blue gasps and grabs my forearm, her touch burning me with passion and worry. "Holy shit! But he's okay, obviously."
I nod. "He wasn't for a bit. A few cracked ribs and some bad bruising. Concussion too. Mom and Dad were pissed."
"I'm surprised they showed up," Blue comments bitterly.
"Honestly, I'm glad they did. That was a turning point for all four of us. Mom and Dad called me a fuck up, then compared me to you and your family. They said horrible things about you and your aunt. Didn't even sugarcoat it with normal parental concern like they had done in the past."
"What did they say?"
I shake my head because if I tell her, then she'll stop touching me. "I'd rather not say."
Her nails dig in a little, making my focus flash to her determined face. "Please, Rome."
I study her, loving how her blue hair accentuates her eyes. Fuck, I can't deny her anything. "They said I was trailer trash like you. Like your family."
Blue snorts. "I bet they did. Believe me, you are far from trailer trash."
"That's not what upset me, Petal. Jared, Felix, Declan, and I cut my parents and Felix's parents off that day. We narrowed ourselves out, Jared moved in, and we continuously debated whether or not we should reach out to the girl we hurt."
She retracts her hand and crosses her arms. "But you didn't."
"No, we didn't. What a horrible fucking idea that was too. We thought we had done enough damage and that there was no way you'd forgive us. Christ, we didn't know if you had the same number or not."
"You fucking assholes didn't eventryto figure out if I had the same number. News flash, I do, and I never blocked you. I should have, but it turned out I didn't even need to because nobody cared to contact me!"
"Blue," I whisper and feel relief when she doesn't stop me. "We cared. We caredso muchit hurt. We were kids reeling from our string of bad choices. Honestly, we didn't have much to offer. I was fucking depressed, Felix barely controlled his party ways, Declan and Jared were totally aimless for a while."
"And what about me?!"
"That's what we want to know." Felix makes himself known. I knew they had been outside for a while now, and I'm glad they gave us the space to talk. "What happened after you moved, sweetheart?"
