Page 48 of Ghost
I almost didn’t want to admit this last part, but at the same time…
It wasn’t normal. But it had always beenmynormal. But I wanted to change, to live like everyone else. And I’d never be able to do it until it was addressed.
“I’m not a good person.” I knew that: bad things happening to people around me. Everything was my fault. But admitting it out loud was hard. “Good girls listen, and they control their emotions. But I’ve always found it so hard to do that. Everyone wants different things, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t please everyone. And I get frustrated so easily.”
Miles frowned, a thoughtful expression taking over his handsome face. After a long moment, he spoke slowly—carefully choosing his words. “I’ve never seenanyindication that you are a bad person. And everyone’s involved in many conflicts over their lifetime. It’s a part of being human, you can’t avoid it. You can’t be scared of it. You need to liveyourlife. As long as you’re not hurting others, you should do what makes you happy. Who cares what everyone else wants. You can’t make the world happy.”
“But I even yelled at Finn!” I was still so horrified that I had done that. “I can’t stop myself. And I’ve been so angry that I haven’t texted or called my mother. I can’t pretend like everything is alright.”
My hands touched my mouth, as if I could hold back my words. But I couldn’t. It was like a dam had burst, and I could no longer stop myself. “It’s me. It has to be me. I can’t stop them from affecting me. I used to be able to do it, it was easier. But now I can’t. Everything was fine before.”
Miles’ mouth dipped even further. “Before what?”
I was shaking furiously, wanting to tell them. But terrified that it would be the final straw.
“Hey,” Miles leaned forward, his eyes bore into mine, “Bianca, beforewhat?”
My mind couldn’t focus, the weight of his stare buried me. My vision trailed down before settling on our entwined hands. “Before I stopped taking my medicine.”
“Bianca,” a finger under my chin forced my face upwards once again, “did you think that I’d judge you for being on medication?”
“No,” and it was true, “I’m scared that I’m worse than I thought. I started them after… everything with Finn and my parents. I was tired of feeling numb, and I stopped a week ago.”
“Only a week ago?” Julian’s voice snapped through the room. “Usually medication of that sort is serious. And you’ve been on them a long time.”
Julian was leaning against the wall. Damen and Titus were there as well. The three of them wore serious expressions—it was obvious that they had heard.
Miles had jumped at Julian’s interruption—neither of us had realized they were here. But, strangely, I wasn’t embarrassed they were. It was hard enough to talk about it once, and now I wouldn’t have to do this over again.
Julian pushed off the wall and strode toward us, his face carefully blank. “You could have serious withdrawal symptoms. You haven’t been sick?”
I shook my head. “I don’t get sick often.”
He tugged one of my hands away from my mouth, holding it in his own. “You aren’t experiencing any dizziness, nausea, lightheadedness?” Julian watched me carefully.
“No,” I shook my head again. “I feel fine physically…”
Julian sensed my hesitation. “But?”
“I’m a mess. I’ve always had anxiety, but things are different now. Worse.” How could I describe the confusion that had taken root in my mind. The constant feeling of drowning. The awareness of something hovering outside of my reach. “It’s crazy, but even the spirits are getting stronger. I don’t know…”
The boys were all frowning now, but no one had spoken. I wasn’t certain if that was a good thing or not. But even so, I wasn’t finished.
“I can’t stop them anymore. There’s something in this house—more than one thing. But even though they are hiding, and I can’t pinpoint them, I still feel them. Their fear and anger, and another emotion I don’t recognize. I can’t even breathe anymore.”
Why were they hiding? Why wouldn’t they reach out to me anymore?
Everyone was going to think I was a liar if something didn’t change.
The air around me turned cold, but it hardly registered. This was so frustrating. “Would you still believe me, even if I had no proof?”
I was getting angry. Why were they hiding?
My breathing began to come in short gasps. I was terrified. But I had no idea why. Why was there so much fear?
“Holy shit.” Titus was in front of me, pushing past the others, and pulled me into his arms. His body covered mine, and I could hardly move from how tightly he held me. “Why didn’t you say that you were an empath?”
As quickly as the fear had descended, it fled. Leaving behind confusion in its wake.
