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“Don’t tell me how worried she is.” Julian’s voice was a snarl. “She hasn’t come to visit her even once.”
I was barely paying any attention to their conversation. My thoughts continuously replayed what had happened with Damen. Every misstep remained branded in my memories.
“I-I-I used the word!” I wailed, squeezing my eyes shut. The confession spilled from my mouth before I could stop myself. “I ruined e-e-everything!”
The room went silent, and Julian’s frame had become statue-like. Dr. Reed finally broke the silence. “What word?” Dr. Reed watched us curiously. “What are you talking about?”
“Mother, can you please leave?” Julian’s voice was tense, completely lacking the gentleness to which I’d become accustomed.
“What?” Her eyebrow rose as she studied her son. “I’m not going to leave, I’m her doctor.”
“Please,” Julian repeated. Even though he’d asked, his tone left no room for argument. Dr. Reed studied him for a second longer before she nodded and left the room.
The instant the door shut, Julian was on his knees in front of me. He pulled my hands into his own, and, through my watery vision, I noticed his expression was deadly.
“What happened?” he asked. “What did he do?”
“I a-a-attacked him!” I still couldn’t believe it. My breath caught in horror at the recollection of my actions. “He was trying to make me eat and I was so mad!”
Julian blinked, his murderous expression morphing into confusion. “What?”
Anger was beginning to burn inside once again. “Everyone keeps telling me what to do and giving me no choice, and he wouldn’t stop bossing me around! I wanted to hit him, or something.”
Julian’s expression was close to bewilderment now. But I wasn’t finished. “I don’t know how it happened, but then I kissed him instead.”
His surprise morphed to shock. His mouth opened, and for a brief moment nothing escaped. Finally, his stilted words reached me. “Youkissedhim?”
I know, it was terrible of me.
“He was being really annoying,” I explained. “He said you coddle me. Then he was all flirty and bossy. I couldn’t stop myself.”
Julian’s eyebrow raised, and his gaze turned contemplative. “Coddle?”
I ignored his question, “So when he wouldn’t shut up, I grabbed his shirt and attacked him. I’m sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?” Julian asked, tugging at my hands and lowering his face to mine. “There’s no need to apologize. Didn’t we agree to let this happen naturally? There’s no room for jealousy between us. We’re not normal, and what we’ve always had was non-conventional. Don’t worry. If you want to kiss Damen, then kiss him.”
“But I shouldn’t have done it.” My breath hitched, a sob stuck in my throat. “He taunted me with food, then kissed me again. It was nice at first… But then I freaked out.”
“Did he force you to do anything?” Julian’s tone was wary.
I shook my head. “He didn’t do anything bad. I just… freaked out.”
“That’s normal, Bianca.” Julian’s gaze had softened. “The important thing is that he respected your boundaries. Do you know what triggered you?”
“He touched my stomach.” My heart pounded, shame rushing through me. I was the stupidest person in the world. “It was over my clothes, but I couldn’t…” I trailed off, breaking eye contact, because there was no way to explain.
“I couldn’t breathe anymore,” I offered, my voice small.
Julian rubbed his hands over my arms, and when he spoke, his voice was a measured calm. “Darling, do you knowwhythat triggered you?”
My breath hitched as my heart jerked wildly. I nodded.
He watched me, his touch feather light against my skin. It was as if he thought I’d break. “Would it make you feel better to talk about it?”
I shook my head, moving back from him. My panic faded, my defenses slamming into place around me.
There was no need to continue this conversation, everything was fine.
