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But relief practically radiated from Julian—and how could I take that away? And did Dr. Reed seriously think he might be able to help with my parents?
I just had to talk to Dr. Reed privately—only for a moment. I needed to ask her to never reference certain things around Julian. It would ruin everything.
Darkness swam in the corners of my vision.
“I’m here now,” Julian said, pulling my attention back to him. He touched his forehead to mine and pressed his hands against my cheeks gently. “It’ll be all right. Just breathe with me.”
We’d done this before—him coaching me through a panic attack.
Every cell in my body became electrified. Even though I’d been a second from fainting, it was impossible to ignore his words.
He wanted me to breathe—so I followed his guidance. A warmth began to spread from my chest, and my skin heated as I allowed him to lead me.
I’d felt this before. It was still alarming to give up control, but now I understood the desire. At least a little.
The dizziness passed, and the black dots in my vision faded. Nothing else existed, only Julian’s soulful eyes.
What was this feeling?
“Are you okay now?” His voice seemed to flow over me, like a balm soothing the edges of my nerves.
I blinked slowly, trying to pull myself out of the lazy haze that had surrounded me. “Yes…”
A movement from the corner of my vision pulled my attention. Dr. Reed was writing furiously in her notes.
“I’ve never seen anything like that before,” she explained, not even glancing up. “I knew our abilities can control physical responses to some extent. Obviously, we’re most effective against Fire elementals, since we’re their controllers. But Julian, I had no idea you could use your abilities like that.”
Julian frowned, watching his mother. He seemed hesitant. But he must have seen something in her that I didn’t, because a moment later, he replied, “It is a common misconception that our abilities are meant only to control, harm, or to manipulate.” He sounded different than usual, almost older. “People believe that because we’ve made it seem that way. But Water is a nurturing element. You can manipulate it for harm, just as you can for good. You’ve calmed your patients before, I’ve seen it.”
My breath hitched.
After my adoption, I could barely even speak. Dr. Reed would touch me, just a casual a brush of her fingers against my hand. After that, I would be able to respond without frustration.
She had been using her abilities against me?
Honestly, I wasn’t even angry. In those days, those moments of calm meant everything. I just couldn’t believe I’d never thought it was strange or even noticed at all…
“You aren’t wrong.” She glanced up, watching the two of us. “I do use my abilities to set my patients at ease. But you completely negated an anxiety attack before it had time to crest. I’ve never seen that before.”
Julian shrugged. From the thin set of his mouth, I knew he wasn’t going to elaborate anymore. His mother watched him a moment longer before she seemed to realize it, too.
Instead of arguing or pressing him further, she gave him a resigned look. Almost as if she knew that there were things that Julian would never tell her—even if she was his mother.
Was this normal? Was this what being a Xing meant? Were we the holders of secrets that we weren’t even able to share with our families?
If that were the case, I didn’t understand how I could be such a person. Every other medium knew far more about interacting with ghosts than me. Maybe there was a mistake?
“In any case”—he turned her attention back to me—“how long have you been off your medication?”
This again… She wasn’t going to let up.
“Two weeks,” I repeated. “I feel fine.”
“Her abilities are growing stronger, but something is still holding her back.” Julian squeezed my hand. “Is there something else? She summoned spirits and sent them away successfully, but she was drained from it.”
Something else…?
Dr. Reed’s brows furrowed. “No, there may still be side effects. She’s been on the medicine for a long time. Bianca, I want to put you back on them, at least on a lower dosage. We can discuss taking you off later.”
