Page 49 of Hidden
My heart was beating wildly, shame burning at me. He was right. Seeing this would have terrified Bianca. It would have broken everything we’d only just begun to build between us.
“She’s not here…” This time I was lucky.
Ineverhad to control myself around Mu. This was entirely new territory.
Mu’s temper rivaled mine, and he was persistent and forceful. His anger took on a different direction though. It had always depended on the person, and why his anger was triggered. But no matter what, he almost always held a grudge—even long after the events in question. He could grow obsessed with plotting revenge.
In comparison, I was generally calm expressing myself, but I needed an outlet. If that wasn’t possible, Mu and Shui were able to pull me out of my fury.
But Bianca wouldn’t be able to do that. I would terrify her.
I felt helpless and stupid. I’d been avoiding it for too long. For the first time in all my lives, I was going to have controlmyself. Bianca couldn’t see this, and I couldn’t always rely on Julian.
It was such a basic skill, but I’d never had to do it before.
I’d never been more disappointed in myself.
“You’re lucky she’s not here right now,” Brayden said, unaware of my tumultuous thoughts. “Because I would have killed you if you scared her. I don’t care who you are. She doesn’t need you fucking up her life because no one has ever held you accountable.”
He was right. I stared at the broken glass across the room. “I know.”
“And she also doesn’t need…” Brayden began, but then his voice trailed off. “What?”
I met his stunned stare.
“I’m going to change,” I told them, and the weight of my resolve settled over me. “I’m going to work on my temper.”
“You?” Julian let out a short laugh. “You’regoing to work on your temper? You’ve been volatile and selfish since thebeginning. Why do you think I can’t stand you?”
I thought we’d gotten past that.
“I’ll do better,” I promised. There were ways, it shouldn’t be hard. I had a degree in psychology for goodness sake. I could figure it out. “It’s your fault, too.”
Julian’s eyebrows raised in unison. “What?”
“You’re enabling me,” I pointed out. “Instead of letting me deal with my own emotions, you always subdue me.”
“You were about to open the gates of the underworld!” Julian gritted his teeth, death written on his face. “What else was I supposed to do?”
“Well, you need to hold me accountable.” I waved my hand, nodding. The solution was so obvious. Tomorrow morning, I’d start yoga. Studies had stated that deep breathing techniques were amazing for teaching self-control.
“Hold you accountable by allowing you to infest Earth with demons?” Julian’s voice was still tight. “You almost killed Garrett Cole in your father’s conference room. You almost killed Bryce!”
That was true, but would the last one really have been a loss? It could be counted as a learning experience. Sacrifices must be made for the sake of progress.
I pulled myself to my feet, already planning my new routine. “Are you leaving any time soon? I’m surprised you’ve waited this long. No one is stopping you anymore,” I said to Titus, ignoring the stunned looks of the others.
Titus blinked at me. “Going where?”
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. “Are you going to get Bianca?” I gestured to the door. “You’re in the best position to convince her to come back.”
“What do you mean, ‘come back’?” Brayden straightened. “Where did she go?”
I ignored Brayden, watching Titus as he got to his feet.
He seemed eager, but slightly afraid. “Do you think it’s been long enough? She was pretty upset.”
I nodded. “She’s been outside for a while. She’s probably cooled off. See if you can get her to go to bed, take her to your room tonight. I haven’t set up any guest rooms yet.”
