Page 15 of Hidden
Before I could question it, his fingers grazed my cheek.
I could barely feel him, but the connection was stronger than anything we’d shared before. And as I watched him curiously, I couldn’t stop myself from leaning into his touch.
Why wasn’t he saying anything? Why was he acting so strange? “Julian?”
“You really don’t mind when I touch you?” Julian asked, his gaze softening. There was a hint of disbelief in his voice.
My eyebrow raised in response. Didn’t we already have this discussion? “I already told you I like it… I still have that word to use if I don’t.”
“But you don’t like anyone other than us four touching you?” Julian seemed to be searching for something. I wasn’t sure what, but his question caused a shiver to shoot down my spine.
“N-no,” I answered, my breath thin. “I don’t like when other people touch me.”
Julian tilted his head, and the weight of his attention was almost suffocating. “Why?”
Why in the world was he talking about this now?
“I just don’t!” My attention turned to the lapel of his shirt. This was a stupid conversation. “It makes me feel sick.”
“Bianca.” His soft voice urged me to face him. “When we first met, were you afraid of us?”
I narrowed my eyes. How quick he was to forget—
“Besides you thinking Titus was scary,” Julian clarified, a smile touching his expression before it vanished. “Were you ever afraid of the way we touched you? We were strangers. I held your hand…”
My breath caught. This was the strangest line of questioning ever. But their actions had stood out to me. I knew it was odd that, instead of making me feel sick, being with them had felt right.
I had never let anyone get that close to me before, not even Finn.
Sure, sometimes I’d hold Finn’s hand. That hadn’t been horrible, and there was something that drew me to him. But it had taken getting used to and Finn was never affectionate, so it was rare for that to happen.
Then there was my ill-thought-out plan to marry him… How awful. But that was because I knew nothing else, no one else. I couldn’t imagine anything different. I would get over it.
But when I met the boys… It had been different than anything I’d experienced before. I thought it was strange to feel as if this was familiar, but I never questioned it either.
It felt weird to admit this to Julian, but he looked so concerned. I had to tell him.
“Even from the beginning, I wasn’t afraid your touch.” I glanced away, biting my lip. “Not even Titus…”
Julian’s hooked his finger under my chin, tilting my head toward his, and it was his turn to raise his eyebrow. “But you maced him, kicked him in the balls, and ran away. You were clearly afraid.”
My voice squeaked. “Because he was scary. He wasstalkingme. Hefeltscary.” I couldn’t believe we were talking about this. “But when heheldme, I wasn’t scared. I only worried that he might drag me into the Mafia underworld and murder me.”
“Titus isn’t part of the ‘Mafia.’ That’s such an outdated term.” He still watched me, concerned. “And he would never have hurt you. Are you sure you weren’t scared?”
What in theworlddid that mean? I wanted to ask for more Mafia clarification, but Julian’s expression indicated he was still stuck on this touching topic. Why he was suddenly so obsessed with this, I didn’t know.
So I tried to reflect honestly. Titus had held me a lot, and there had even been a time where I had only worn a towel. But…
I shook my head. I hadn’t been afraid. I wasn’t sure how to describe how it made me feel, but it wasn’t normal. “I wasn’t scared. Is that weird?”
Was that relief swimming in his eyes? But why would he care?
“You aren’t strange,” Julian said, tapping my nose. “Not if you consider our past bonds. Whatever happened to make you have this fear in this life, you’ve had lifetimes of memories with us. Even if you don’t recollect that connection, your subconscious does.”
The pressure against my chest seemed to lift. Of course there was a logical explanation for my behavior.
And now, on to more important things.
