Page 113 of Balance
“But…” He frowned at my hand. “You’ll hurt yourself.”
I blinked, my vision blurring at the lack of respect that he had for my abilities. I was going to kill a squirrel for dinner, and he was trying to stop me from doing that.
“Don’t cry.” Miles leaned toward me, petting my shoulder, his death grip loosening around the knife. “I’ll make sure we have something to—Hey!”
His statement ended in a shout as, once his guard dropped, I snatched the blade and tossed it at the little furry beast, hitting it, point first, directly in the face.
“Nowwill you eat it?” I asked, spinning to face him once more.
“What the hell?” Miles was pressed against the tree, hand over his heart. “You’re not supposed to be able to do that!”
“Throw a knife?” Why, that was just silly. With practice, anyone could throw blades. “It’s done, or are you still going to not eat?”
“Well it’sdeadnow.” Miles looked past me, gazing at our fallen food. “There’s no reason to waste it. Wait a minute.” He reached forward, grabbing my chin. “Did you just trick me?”
“I have no idea what you are talking about,” I answered, my skin warming under the critical way his gaze moved over me. “Those were real tears.”
And they were… tears of frustration.
“You’re not supposed to be able to fight.” He was frowning at me. “This might be a problem.”
I couldn’t imagine why. We had to survive somehow.
“Never mind.” He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “We can deal with it later. Bring that thing over here so we can clean it, and then we’ll eat.”
Miles cooked—a perfect blend of spiced meat and a spinach salad. Even in the wilderness, he delivered. Yet here in the fading light, glowing warmth of the fire, and quiet atmosphere, I couldn’t quite get over the feeling that something was off.
As it had been since I’d killed dinner.
He glanced at me when he thought I wasn’t looking, with an appraising gleam in his eyes I didn’t quite appreciate.
“What?” I pulled my knees to my chin, trying to ignore the cold against my back. It wasn’t really all that bad—the thick shrubbery managed to block the most bitter gusts of wind—but we would have to make sure to keep the fire going.
Unlike last night, we’d have to sleep in shifts.
“Nothing,” he said, turning his attention to the fire. “It’s just… I never really thought about it before.”
“Thought about what?” I was almost afraid to know. That sort of judgmental look was never a good sign for someone like me. My heart was racing at the implications.
This was the longest that Miles and I had been alone together, and now that I thought about it, the most interaction. Our other moments, while treasured, were also stolen snippets in chaos.
Not thatthiswasn’t a particularly chaotic situation. Being lost wasn’t exactly ideal. But still…
What if, now that we’d been spending all this time together, he was growing to realize that he didn’t like me very much at all?
Miles interrupted my musings. “I can already see that you’re overthinking something. I’m only wonderinghowyou know to use a weapon—that was not just a lucky throw.”
I choked, unable to think of a single plausible lie.
He continued, asking the question I’d been dreading for weeks. “What happened when you fought against Daniel Cole?”
“No idea.” I let out a shaky laugh, failing to convince even myself. Because while the truth was that I hadn’ttriedto kill anyone that day—I could have done far more to stop it too.
Mu had been right. He’d helped me focus, and he’d even been the one to fight. But it had beenmethat delivered the killing blow. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t been thinking about what would happen at the time, or that I was only relying on muscle memory drilled into me a time long past.
The fact was I’d been the one to do it; proving, once more, that when it came down to having a choice, I would hurt someone else in order to live.
That was probably my most shameful secret.
